A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I said when it ended that we wanted to remain friends. For the most part, we are. We keep in touch, and see each other now and then. My problem is, every now and then, we have these "moments" together. We end up in a place where I see it as more than just friends. It will be a good couple of days, then she disappears. A couple of weeks or months later, I'll hear from her. This has happened more than once. When I ask what is it, I get either: I don't know, or no answer at all. Am I being used as the bailout? Because, every time this happens, it hurt a little more. I want to keep my word as a friend, but when do you say enough? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Hi,Friends with ex? Yes! But, I don't think you are ready to be friends only. If this is hurting you more and more. If you are having "the moments" that means you are not over your ex-girlfriend, so therefore, you are not ready to be her friend. I am not sure about her behavior. Not sure about her intensions, even she told you she doesn't know how she feels? I don't think she's using you, so you shouldn't get mad at her. Whatever was the reason why you guys broke up? I think that you are both still attached to each other. Still have feelings for one another. If this relationship is really over, and there's no way for reconciliation, you should not contact, meet each other anymore. At least for a while. If you continue this way, it's just going to be a roller coaster of emotions, and it will only make it more difficult for both of you to move on. If you don't want to get hurt anymore, you have to be strong, and stay away. Not even text, not even hi, nothing!!! Maybe, when you are mentally, and emotionally ready you guys can be friends only. Good luck
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2011):
Some can, some can't. My first BF and I broke up some 20+ years ago and we still talk. However, we didn't become friends til about 1-2 year after the break up.
You don't have "moments" with a friend.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 There is nothing in the rule book that says you have to be friends with an ex, especially if it's dragging your heart down and preventing you from moving on. In a word yes, you are being used as bail out so stop letting her do that to you. Besides how do you expect to meet anyone else if you've got unfinished baggage with your ex? A sure romance killer to any new prospects who might be interested in you. And believe me, there's nothing worse than falling for a guy who's ex still has him on speed dial.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 In my experiance no not really. Something awkward always gets in the way eventually.Unless you are both secretly wanting something to happen ,then one of you has to break it,if its not you, then its you my friend that needs to say it..... Enough is enough lol x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): "Because, every time this happens, it hurts a little more. I want to keep my word as a friend, but when do you say enough?"
If it's hurting you more to stay in touch when this happnes then it's time to take a long break from it all. There may be some people who can be friends after a breakup and I see nothing wrong with that. For many though it is not possible as there are still romantic and hurt feelings and anger that need to be resolved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): You just need to avoid these 'moments' and keep contact light and casual. Something is pulling you back together - familiarity maybe. Be strong. Make sure your meetings are on your terms and cannot slip into more private moments that will hurt you in the long run.
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