A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can you really get over someone and love another person? I ask because I am in my first relationship with a man, and I love him SO much I cannot imagine loving anyone like him ever again. However, he i much older and has had a long term relationship before which ended really badly (she cheated). He was left heartbroken, he quit his job, he basically had to start his life from scratch. Now, its been almost eight years since that happened and he is with me, we have been together for three years so everything is great between us. But I cant help wonder if he will ever get over his ex. Can you even do that? Can you really stop loving someone, if at one point they were the most important person to you?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Of course they do ! With divorce rates over 50%, what do you think, that all these divorced people still carry a torch for their ex spouse, or that all of them got married the first time just for practice, without feeling love ?...
The truth is that, as much as we dislike to see it, that love too, like all thing human, is impermanent. It may last for all your life, with a bit of luck, with the right person, in the right conditions, if it's not tested too severely,etc. Or, it may not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): yes you can stop loving someone. If they turn out not to be the person you thought they were when you fell in love with them (likely if she cheated on him and he was so devastated), it's quite easy to start the process of falling out of love (though of course it hurts like hell). another way of falling out of love is if it was never firmly there at first, or the bad things in the relationship overcome the good. Yet another way is post breakup and the time spent apart after that. Meeting someone else you're crazy about is the most effective way to totally kill feelings you might have had for someone in the past.Your guy might have fallen out of love completely concerning his ex but still show emotion when discussing the issue. But that's pretty normal. Thinking back to the way we once felt in a situation can bring all those emotions back even if currently we feel secure that those feelings are no longer present.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Yes. If you start to hate them. But if you didn't grow into hating them then there might be some love left, a tiny little piece that allows you to send them good wishes for Christmas or hope they are doing well, without a need to ever see them or talk to them again.
The heart is big, it can love more than one person at a time, and you love each person differently. It's not a contest of who is loved more, nor is it about getting over someone as in having no feelings for them. It happens to some that they have no feelings either way for an ex, but some do, and there's nothing wrong with that. Some consider their past relationships precious and wants to stay good and dear friends with the one who meant a lot to them, even if they don't want to be in a relationship with them.
Romantic feelings die. But should feelings for another human really die? Is it necessary to move on and be happy you think? Do you need to "get over" everyone you ever knew before you allow yourself to get to know someone new? Because it's the same thing really. As long as there are no romantic feelings left towards them, is it really a problem?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 May 2011):
 well I havei no longer love the father of my children/first husbandi no longer love my second husbandi am no longer IN LOVE with my third husband but I care deeply about him and want him to be happy and healthy....I think that folks in general have a huge capacity to love and need to use it
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