A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a married man. He is my ex-boyfriend who I kept in contact with for the past 10 years. He got married 4 years ago. I had a baby 5 years ago. We kept in contact before he met his wife and always had deep hidden feelings for one another. He was very immature in his 20's and I was out of control. I actually put myself in rehab to straighten out my life. When I was away he phoned me twice and I was not able to respond. When I got home from rehab he suggest maybe we have lunch. So in the mean time I started hanging with a man I met at meetings. We were dating for a few months. After a few months I was going to end it with this man but I didn't we had sex and the first time we did I got pregnant. When my ex called me to see how life was and probably wanting to get together I had to tell him I was pregnant. He cried on the phone and so did I. I was so heart broken b/c deep down inside I really wanted to work on possibly getting back together. I have always had something special for him. Anyway 4 months into my pregnancy he told me that he met someone. So the freakiest thing is when I was looking for a house with my fiance I ran into him. Fate or what. The look on our faces was undescrible. Anyway I'll try to make this as short as possible.... When we spoke on the phone 2 months later we both said at the same time that something is missing in our relationship. When my son was 9 months old I called him to see how life was treating him and asked if he was planning any future engagements. He said no why do you ask? Then 3 months later he told me he was engaged how weird is that. I feel like he was trying to prove something. So to get to the point sorry this is really a tough one for me. We met up 3 times before he got married and were intimate. I cried every time I left him. When he got married I was so sick to my stomach. After he got married we kept in contact. We tried to keep in platonic for a year after his marriage. Then I asked him if he had any children yet. NO why do you ask? Then 3 months later she's pregnant. He was not happy about the pregnancy at all. Of course now his life has changed and he feels different but deep down inside I don't think he is happy with her. I will say I am with the father of my child out of keeping my family together only, he is a good man but I know I am in love with this other person. I am wrong yes I know but I came from a divorced family and would never do this to my child. Just 3 months ago I met up with my ex and just talked he felt very guilty due to just having his child so we just had drinks. We both enjoyed each other and I told him that I loved him for the first time. He held my hand and told me as I was crying that it's okay that we love each other. So anyway a month later we met up again because we wanted to be togther. We have or had an incredible chemistry that was unexplainable. So we met and I drank way tooo much o yeah still wasn't able to give up the drink... So I totally lost it. He lost his erection I lost my mind. I was saying that I felt like a prositute, and that I can't stop thinking about him. I acted a little pyscho if you ask me. After we got together he has been very cold. I emailed him to apologize two weeks later and he told me that it's all good and u know were good. So anyway a week later I e-mailed with another heartfelt message and he insisted he was not mad or anything. I have been heartbroken about this because maybe deep down inside I need to let this go or maybe we both do. It is very hard on me. I mean can you imagine feeling this way for someone for the past 9-10 years and not being able to be with this person. He would never leave her just as I would never leave him so what's the point. Maybe if he just would open up to me then I could move on. I don't this is very hard on me please don't be too harsh....
View related questions:
divorce, engaged, erection, ex called, fiance, heartbroken, immature, married man, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't agree that he is using me or we are using each other it's a little more complicated than that. Thanks for the advice anyway!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): You say he won't leave his wife, and yet you and he "met up again" because you "wanted to be together." He's cheating on his wife (big surprise) and he's using you.You need to stop all contact with him, grow up and move on with your life.That might sound cold, but you've given up 10 years of your life for little more than a shadow -- and one that seems to make you feel worse and worse.Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I agree this has to sorted out b/c I am an emotional wreck. I wake up in the morning thinking about him and go to bed thinking about him. Maybe if we really distance each other we will be able to move on. They say out of sight out of mind. Hopefully this works. Yes the timing was completely off. I am not a big fan of counseling but possibly thinking about AA meetings. I do not drink nearly as much as I used to, but I guess if it still affects my relationships I should get help. It's very hard but I think it needs to be done. Thanks Again
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (11 August 2007):
 Blimey what a nightmare.
Im not getting why you didnt get back together a long time ago? I suppose the timing was always wrong?
Did i miss it,but how come you CANT leave the people that you are with now? because of the children?
Its an awful situation to be in. But good for him not going any further that time bacause of his child. I take it you havent sonce either?
Rehab didnt work but have you tried the normal counselling?
I dont think anyone can tell you what to do for the best as we are all different and deal with things in different ways. What works for one person wont for someone else.
But i cant imagine feeling like that for someone for that length of time no.
But i wouldnt mind betting that its because of this, you arent actually sorting out the deep seated problems you have? And because of the deep seated problems you have, this isnt being resolved? Its a catch 22.
I would first of all look into some counselling.
Then see where you go from there because this has to be sorted one way or the other doesnt it.
Good luck
C xxxxxx
...............................
|
