A
female
age
41-50,
*inema
writes:I don't want to sound selfish or moany but it's been such an awful year. My Mum is schizophrenic which is controlled by medication most fo the time but she started the year off with a bit of a bad spell. Then in April I was forced to move into a flat on my own against my will because my Dad had a car accident last year which left him unable to work so he had to retire early. My parents said they couldn't afford our family home anymore. At the same time they pushed me into changing jobs which I didn't want to do either. I used to drive to work and they thought if I got a job closer to home that I would be able to save money to spend on my rented flat by giving up my car. I've kept the car on however as it's a bit of a life line. I hate my new job. I've been in it for 7 months and nobody likes me there which I've never experienced before. They've acknowledged that I'm doing nearly 3 times as much work as my colleagues working for the same firm in the next to mine. Despite this they treat me like I'm lazy even though I do my utmost to get all the work done and go home feeling shattered everyday. I'm so lonely. I started someone in May and he's been a huge help but then in July my Dad had a heart attack and died. My Mum now expects me to spend most of my weekends with her whereas before she had very little time for me. This makes it hard for me to see my boyfriend as he works nights 5 days a week so I hardly see him as it is. I've now asked him if he will move in with me because I love him and I get lonely but at first he refused and now he's told me that if he does he won't tell his 2 teenage children who live with his ex-wife because he doesn't feel ready to even tell them he's dating someone (he left his wife 10 years ago and she now has a new partner and another child whom they get on with). He says that his ex-wife put him off marriage so it's very unlikely he will ever want to get married and he can't tell me how many years ahead he would think about having children with me (I'm 31 so my biological clock is ticking, plus I'm reaching the stage in life where marriage and kids feel right). Am I wasting my time with my boyfriend? And how do I get a new job? I've tried Agencies, I've tried to move internally in my firm and I've applied for jobs in the local paper/on the Job Centre sight but I've only had 2 interviews in 6 months. I feel so depressed with everything some days that one morning I couldn't even face getting out of bed and rang in sick which is so unlike me. I feel okay one moment and really down the next, I've never been like this. I need to change jobs and stop feeling lonely and decide what to do about my boyfriend but I just don't have the answers even though I've thought about it all long and hard. Please can you help me make some firm choices and improve my life?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 November 2008):
It sounds like you are clinging to your boyfriend because he is the only good feeling you get. Moving him in is not a good idea, it will be a quick fix and nothing more.
You sound like you are getting depressed and since you have a family history of mental illness it is best to stop this getting any worse now.
There is nothing wrong with ringing up places you got rejected from and asking them why you didn't get the job. There is no shame in it and looks good since it shows you want to improve. I'm doing it for a job I got turned down for on Monday morning. It could be something stupid like they want someone with a European Computer Driving License which you could go and do at your local college in a couple of afternoons.
Find out why you are getting turned down and then fix that.
As for your mother, I think you need to tell her that you can only see her every other weekend as you have a boyfriend. She may scream and shout as she may want you to herself but you have to live your own life. Help her find a new hobby or club to join when you do see her so she can make new friends.
As for your boyfriend, ask yourself.... if you were happy and had a social life and were happy with your job, then would you really want to be with him? He doesn't seem to be a very good Prince Charming!
Sort your job and mother out and don't pin any long term hopes on your boyfriend.
Good Luck!! xx
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