A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone :)I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I knew he was a genius. We are math majors and he is exceptionally smart. We go to the same school and school started last week. And it turned out we have the same class. He sat next to me and started talking to me (I didn't expect that) and asking how my summer was after the program ended. The next day after our common class ended, I was talking to our classmate (he didn't know her), he passed by us, and said hi and joined the conversation. And he told about 2 other classes he was taking and suggested we should come to those classes. Then our classmate left, and me and him started walking out of the building. And he asked my number saying that we should study together, I gave my number but the thing is like I already said, he is a genius, he doesn't need study buddies and when he was in his second maybe even first year he was already taking grad courses in math, so taking my number to study seemed weird to me. One of my friends suggested he either would have easy homework by getting my homework (I don't think he would do that kind of thing, it would take him a very short time to finish a hw) or he liked me (I don't believe this is the case either). We continued walking and then he wanted to have lunch, I needed to eat too, so we just went to have lunch. I have never met someone like him, he is sophisticated, he is not just smart at math, but he knows so much about philosophy, economy/finance, music, he learned to play piano 1.5 years ago and he can play Beethoven very good, he can read a whole math book in 5 hours. Our lunch was kind of awkward though, we didn't talk while eating, so there was a long silence while we were eating except that he was humming Bach, plus I feel he probably thinks I am not an interesting person, because I am kind of awkward when I first begin talking to people, I might say stupid stuff, but all this passes once I get to know the person better, I feel more comfortable and I act like myself. After the lunch we went to two of his classes and both of them were really interesting so I'll be auditing them. After that we didn't talk much since there was weekend and then on Monday, we didn't talk during the breaks, we just said 'hi, how are you' after the last class and nothing more. So I have been thinking about him since the lunch (I don't know if this is just admiration or I actually like him), and since he is so great at so many things, he kind of became an inspiration for me, to concentrate on my studying, I want to do really good in all the courses I am taking so he doesn't think I am stupid.Also I am a shy person and like I said, I am awkward when I first meet people, and I feel I already messed up during the lunch and that he thinks I am not an interesting person since he didn't try to talk to me on Monday (we had 3 classes together).There is also another issue, our countries are very bad enemies. I personally don't care about it, when it comes to people I care only about their personality, the way they are, the way they treat others, and don't care what nationality or religion they have. I was also thinking maybe this too makes the situation more awkward, I think he is the same way as I am,I think he doesn't care about the nationality issue, but what if he thinks I care? Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him? What about him? Thank you :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2014): I am the OP
Thanks again @CindyCares. I really appreciate your time spent on answering my question!
I'll do my best to be myself and not be intimidated by him :D Meanwhile, back to studying!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 October 2014):
 I don't know... MY hunch is that he does like you :)... it's just my hunch...
Well yeah, maybe another guy would be more proactive, or would have already asked you out openly, but I figure that a math whiz kid, albeit cosmoppolitan and sophisticated, must still be a bit of an uber-nerd, so he does not know or use all the right moves yet. Then again, he might be worried that getting involved with a girl may distract him from such demanding studies as yours, and wants to leave it at being friends . Who knows, really. Early to say. See how it plays out- equanimously :). Don't chase after him with your tongue hanging out ( no, I don't think you'd do that )- but also do not get all intimidated and run away or blank him off if he talks to you or walks you somewhere. That's due to shyness, but it may come off as being un-interested.
Good luck !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014): I'm the OP
Thank you sooo much @CindyCares!
Heehee, too many math courses, don't have the time for crash course in social un-awkwardness :)
I did apologize to him, tried to apologize in person, he stopped me and said not to worry about it. But my conscience was killing me, and I texted him and explained and apologized, he again said I should not worry about it, that it's fine. :)
As far as the Armenian thing goes, I would not ruin my relationship with my family for something temporary, even if I get to date him or some other Turkish person, I would not tell them until I made sure it's very serious, and from there I would gradually let my family know and hopefully they would understand me.
Also, Armenians tend to stay in culture, so the Armenian society expects an Armenian to marry or date an Armenian, which I personally don't think will happen to me (my personality, hobbies, goals and dreams are different, most of the Armenian people do not understand me and I don't understand them, I don't have many common things with them), and so no matter who I choose to be with, a Turkish guy or some other nationality besides an Armenian, there are going to be issues with my family (because they care too much what society thinks of them), but I'll do my best to convince them I am making a right choice :)
And I still don't think he likes me, some of the times he is really cool with me, and other times I feel he avoids me, by waiting for me to leave the classroom then he leaves or he rushes out without any eye contact. However, I am really happy I got to know him, because he made me believe in myself again (for more than a year, I was having too many doubts about whether or not I can be a great mathematician one day, which made me stop trying hard like I used to), he made me realize that I can be as good at math or other things as he is :)
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 October 2014):
It seems to me that you are just developing a very normal crush. It may have started as admiration, but , after all, isn't that how all crushes start ? You admire someone because they have something that strikes you, that impresses you, whether it be their physical beauty or their intellect or their personality, then it goes on from there.
IMO, you just let yourself " admire " him impersonally until you sort of felt he was out of your league , then he gave you an " in ", by showing you attention and signaling that he MIGHT like you, at which point you allowed yourself to start liking him too.
Careful though, he sounds like he might be interested ( as you said, if he wants to study with somebody, he'd have plenty of more suitable choices...) but, I am not going to lie to you, if you don't do a crash course in- uhm ? social un-awkwardness ?:)... you are going to botch it and he is going to think you are NOT interested.
So be it for the first lunch, it's natural it may have come out a bit stilted and awkward if you are a shy, reserved type, he will have made allowances for that. But , the poor guy is walking with you, stops for a sec to say " hi " to a friend... and you just bolt away without saying a word ??! Sorry, OP, but that's not delightfully shy , or endearingly awkard, that must have come off just like plain rude. If you keep doing stuff like that, you are going to cool the jets of the most ardent sexy matemathician :).
Look , you do not need to be so in awe. So he is a whiz kid at something, big deal. I bet there are other stuff at which he is totally inept . I have a cousin who is a brilliant matemathician, he teaches in a prestigious University- and IRL he is a total dumbass, he could not even tie his own shoes if it wasn't for his wife, lol.
In the other hand, maybe you want to push the brakes on this flirtation. Because of the Armenian thing. You don't care ( very wisely ) and he does not either - but if you say that culturally you are not supposed to mix at all, and your parents would be very unhappy about it, I guess, and his too... are you sure you want to start a Romeo and Juliet thing over something that, most probably, would just be a college flirtation , and can be nipped in the bud now without too much chagrin ? ... It's up to you, but, think about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2014): I am the OP Thank you for you answer :) We both were born outside of US. Well he is from Turkey and I am from Armenia, and I don't know if you know about the Armenian genocide. So a lot of people on both sides have too much hatred. So let's say an Armenian girl dates a Turkish guy that's a big no-no for the family, the family of the girl will probably kick her and refuse to recognize her. It might be the case on the Turkish guy's family as well, depending on the family. It's pretty much forbidden for Armenians to date or even think about being with a Turkish guy. Well like I said, I care about the person not what nation he comes from or what religion. But we both are actually agnostic/atheist so there is no problem in that. Also, I am pretty sure this guy accepts the genocide so it is good. I don't have any contradictory feelings about that. I got to talk to him today and we almost went to lunch together, then on the way we saw someone we both know from the summer program (an Armenian guy), and he is friends with him, he stopped to talk maybe just for a second and I felt awkward, didn't even consider stopping and talking too, so I just left without saying anything. Now I don't know what he thinks of me. :( Well, I am just very very confused about what's happening to me, what those feelings are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2014): I wonder which country he is from. As far as this goes dont even think about it , it's a different time in history when people kind of more sofisticated than that.
What you describe may be the fact that've likes you but may be not.
I would advice you to start conversations also. Boys these days get very easily discouraged when they don't see any attention from a girl. Also with Internet there are so many fish in a sea that their mentality is : not this then will be another one .
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