A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am super confused, please help me figure this one out! If a guy said he never had relationships with a girl, he only used her for sex, how in the name of everything that's good can it carry on for 2-3 months and no feelings whatsoever developed? Is it possible? Surly you will developed some kind of feelings? Whether its jealousy, some kind of an attraction call it sexual attraction, maybe love? I mean when you spend time with someone at a club or wherever I'm sure feelings will somehow raise its head? And not once but twice with 2 different women? I don't understand how you can be involve with someone for a period of time and not feel anything for her? If he had sex with her once or twice , MAYBE! But 2 months and more? My husband denies having feelings for these women but I just don't believe him, sorry!!! And guys, do you ever forget your first time having sex? Or who gave you your first blow job? Its not that unusual to have feelings, so why is it so hard to just say yes! Human beings have feelings, it happened so long ago its not gonna make a difference in our relationship so I don't understand! If I ask him he gets upset and I leave it alone! Its just not normal! Am I missing something here or what?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): So you're saying your husband cheated and what matters is whether he has feelings for them?
No, what matters is he obviously has no feelings for you.
OP a lot of people, men and women can very easily have sex with no feelings. In my experience it's easier for us guys to separate emotions from sex but women can too.
Your problem OP is that you ask so many questions but completely ignore the only question you really need the answer to.
Does he love me? The answer is no OP, he doesn't love you and you're not enough for him.
All the rest of your questions are irrelevant, whether he feels anything for them is irrelevant, you have a cheating dog of a husband and you need to ensure you haven't caught an STI from him and you really need to consider whether this is a marriage worth staying in.
Stop avoiding the real issue, all the questions sound like you're trying to figure out whether the lies and justifications he used are true. They're not.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 What you are overlooking is that the male of this species is TOTALLY driven/motivated by the pleasure of his penis.
Because women don't have one.... they are unable to understand just how outlandish men will be in the pursuit of dipping their weenies in to the treasured "love connection" of you ladies......
It's really not rocket science. The cliche is that "women need a REASON to have sex (your submittal).... but men need only a PLACE (to have sex)"...... That cliche did NOT come about in a vacuum.....
Good luck..... and may you find men, in the future, who do NOT "fit" the stereotype!!!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Oh he can carry it on for 2 or 3 years as for that .
Most men are able to keep sex and feelings distinct and separate. And women too, tbh. For women it comes more difficult, for both cultural and biological reason, but they do it too. People have sex for tons of reasons other than being in love.
I don't think it is so strange that feelings do not authomatically arise from even repeated sexual encounters.
One can appreciate the performance, and the feel-good sensations it gives you, but not particularly the performer.
It's like hearing a song, you can love the song without being crazy about the singer 's personality or geeting atatched to him.
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A
female
reader, KlassyKirsty +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Majority of men do have the ability to compartmentalize but then the same applies to alot of promiscuous girls who r seeking out a no strings attached relationship. If there r no substantial feelings behind sex then inhibitions, consideration and discernment r thrown out of the window in which this is not classified as making love this is classed as having a casual f***, and are purely just doing it for a sexual release.
There might be an element of attraction but it will not be significant enough to step up to the plate to be with those other women.
I find that in these scenarios a 1 sided relationship begins where the other partner starts to develop sexual feelings for the other. Cut the strings on this no string attached and move on to someone who genuinely has feelings for u. Much less complications that way :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): Hello.
I am not sure this question is for men or both?
I must tell you that I a woman and can have sex without feelings or involvement (having said this, I am a victim of child abuse, so I guess I do not want relationship). However, after saying this I am not in a relationship so I am not hurting anyone but your husband is married to you, so if he is doing it while he is married to you or is in relationship with you, he is wrong.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Sorry but I'm pretty sure men can have sex without becoming emotionally attached to the women they do it to. That's why they can use prostitutes or strip clubs or watch porn.
Your man is still a cheating bastard whether he had feelings for these women or not. Time to pack his bags and ask him to leave!
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