A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend 3 years, we live together and are generally happy. I have no reason to distrust him but for the last week i have a gut feeling that hes doing something which i wouldnt like. I dont really have any proof other than he seems to be more private with his phone, hes always been relatively private but seems more so ie he got a text message off a number that he hadnt saved it was a long message but he knocked it off his phone quickly as I looked up. This only happened yesterday but ive had this feeling for a week. Without this feeling i might not have even thought anythijg of it. Hes done nothing out of the ordinary that i can pin point. Do people really believe that you can be right on a gut feeling only? Should i talk to him about this or just try and forget about it.
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female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (7 August 2015):
Dear OP,Your "gut feeling" or intuition, is based on many things: Inherited instincts, personal experiences, experiences told or shown to you by others. I believe that your intuition is only reliable in areas where you have made several varying experiences over time. For instance, a person who travels a lot and goes to new cities often has a "gut feeling" where to go in order to find the centre, or the next bus station. People who don't travel a lot can't trust their gut feeling in the same way. If you've had several relationships in the past, some with and some without cheaters, your gut feeling may be more reliable, than if this was your first real boyfriend or if you had been cheated on by every partner. Because you wouldn't intuitively "know" the difference between normal and cheating behavior..So, my answer: IF you can trust this gut feeling depends on the experience you have. But in the end, it's safest to take wiseowles advice and just be aware, not paranoid.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2015): It probably isn't just a feeling. It's probably lots of little things that on their own are insignificant but you've noticed a subtle difference. I think you can trust your intuition but don't act unless you have evidence of something being wrong. I'd say don't say anything just yet but be alert.
I know lots of people on here preach privacy and all that but I am happy I snooped on a gut feeling like yours. I was able to nip a problem in the bud before it actually became a deal breaker. Now our relationship is stronger than ever after we confronted the problem head on together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2015): One more thing in regards to the text etc u discuss- u don't have an anniversary or birthday or any such thing coming up? just to rule out if he'spplanning a surprise- long shot here I know but just to rule it out
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2015): There's a fine-line between intuition and paranoia. Gut-feelings are only supported by suspicion; and suspicion is fueled by distrust and insecurity.
You simply observe; but don't form any negative opinion until there is sufficient evidence to do so. Insecurity hits us all and makes us want to test our lover's fidelity. Sometimes insecurity makes there feel that peace and serenity is just too good to be true. So we have to find a way to upset it, to feel comfortable with it. If he has a history of dishonesty, you're going on more than a gut feeling. You've got a pattern to build upon. Stay low key and continue to trust him. It may be nothing.
You want to go through his phone. Eventually you will; because your suspicion is getting the better of you. Don't you need more than that to go on? You're right that you may know when something's not quite right. You just have to stay cool and calm, so your suspicion doesn't ignite the fight or flight response from your mate. Stay calm, and he'll keep his guard down. Then you'll be more aware if there are any real indications you should be concerned.
Heighten your awareness, not your suspicions. React on facts, not feelings. Listen to your gut, but don't be paranoid. If he's up to no good, he will slip. The truth will always out itself. A cheater always gets caught.
Always!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2015): hi. that's a difficult one from the information you are relaying here.
If this appears out of character, and u r not usually the suspicious type, and he is being secretive with his phone and knocking off messages that he usually would be less quick to do.....There may be something to be concerned about here I'm afraid....
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