A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 7.5 years and have had a group of the same friends for most of that time. One friend in particular is someone I have become a lot closer to in the last couple of years. This person came out to me as a trans girl two years ago, and has been working through her gender identity since then and slowly opening up about it with other people. I have very few girl friends, so it's been special to me that we can get dressed up together, do each other's hair, talk about clothes and work on sewing projects. It's the most comfortable, close friendship I've had in many years.But in the last few weeks, something changed, though neither of us knows quite how. We have both realised we've developed feelings for each other. I'm bisexual and have had girlfriends in the past, and she has only ever been attracted to girls, but we were never romantic about each other before. When hanging out alone, we have started cuddling and caressing and kissing on the cheek, though we have not and will not ever kiss on the lips: we decided straight away that was a boundary. I am 29 and she is 25, but we are acting like teenagers. It feels a lot like my first relationship with a girl when I was 15. I think about her all the time. When we hang out with other people, I barely notice what's going on around us. Any tiny touch or brush against each other feels electric.I have told her that we need to stop this now, because we both know things can't go any further - it will obviously hurt my boyfriend if he finds out, and I know it will also hurt my friend. I don't want to be the kind of person who strings someone along. But there are so few people in my life I've ever felt this tender towards and this intimately close to. My question is, can you close this Pandora's box once you've opened it? Can it be possible to get back a friendship once it has evolved into something more that you've mutually agreed will not work and can't be pursued? I don't want to lose my relationship or this friendship. I really want things to go back to how they were.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2023): This is OP, I'm still hoping maybe someone has some advice. Just thought I would add to the question to maybe make it easier to answer: have you ever had a friendship yourself that took a turn like this towards romance, and did you manage to dial it back to friendship? Thanks.
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