A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last year, I left an abusive relationship. My ex lied, cheated and abused me physically and emotionally for many years. During the time frame (years ago), I also briefly worked as a porn star when we were in a financial dilemma.I'm now out of that relationship, working an honest job, and overall, in happy place in my life. I met a wonderful man who I hope to spend the rest of my life with. Early on in this new relationship, I was honest with him about my past and my baggage. He still wanted to be with me. However, recently while taking a step further in commitment, I had a brief bout of paranoia, and became concerned that he might he be seeing someone. It turns out that it was purely paranoia (baggage from my ex), but he's now concerned that other baggage of mine might surface. We discussed further details of me working in porn recently, and now he's upset that I deeply compromised myself during that time in my life. He's also confused as to how I ended up down that path, and why I garnered a decent amount of popularity, begging the question: did I truly wanted to be a porn star? He doesn't understand how I did that work, knowing the person I am now, and is worried that this shadow side might surface again.I realize that there's nothing I can do about my past now, and I'm a different person, a much stronger person now, and he sees that, but this now has created a block between us. Any thoughts of how to resolve this? He means the world to me, and I don't want to loose him. I'm quite aware of my pitfalls and understand much of my decisions back then were made in clouded judgment and out of fear, due to the regular abuse I endured from my ex. I don't want the ruins of my past relationship to ruin this wonderful relationship now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): If he doesn't get over it soon then you need to break up with him.
"Just give him some time" is common advice. But unfortunately it's wrong. Time alone does not fix issues with someone's past sexual life. A lot of people stop talking about it over time but that's not the same thing as dealing with it. More often they are just suffering in silence for decades.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suppose only time will show and reassure him that he knows the real me. The whole situation pains me, remembering my past and having it effect my current life, even still. I was aware of this signing up for the job, but I suppose it doesn't really hit hard to home until it creates a block in your life.
Yes, I've been seeking professional help for over a year, focusing on my past relationship and my work in porn, so I've had some time to digest all the trauma, and I still continue to go.
So beyond my own dedication and honesty, I just need faith that this will all work out in the end if it's suppose to. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 There is nothing really you can do here. Your past is your past and you cannot change that. The only thing you can do now is continue to show him that you are not that person anymore and make him realise that it was only a job to you and a way for you to make money. At the end of the day it is only a job and you shouldn't be made feel upset or ashamed over it. You were in a different place back then emotionally and I guess he is just having a hard time at the moment figuring this out.
As for the paranoia well this is normal after an abusive relationship. Did you ever get any professional help after getting out of that relationship? If not it might be a good idea to get some as there is probably still a lot of issues in your head that you have locked up and may eventually come out. Therefore I would recommend going to talk to a professional who may be able to help you phycologically.
I guess as for your relationship just be open and honest with him at all times talk to him and tell him how you feel, ask him to open up to you and try and look to the future together instead of the past. Good Luck and all the best.
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