A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My man and I have split up twice in a short amount of time and gotten back together. We had a few knock down drag out fights. Emotionally anyway. We just got back together today after a couple of days apart. We love each other and want to work out, and be together but we are both trying to let go of the insecure, angry feelings we are harboring. My question: can you come back from bad fights and make it new again? How can we show each other we have both worked on our quirks, and are ready to start a new, fresh relationship doing things the right way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts okay guys, he was cheating on me anyway as I found out last night.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2013):
 No you can't make it "new" again, but you can work through problems. You can BOTH learn to compromise and communicate better. But like so many other things, it takes TWO willing people.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 June 2013):
 It's possible.... but it's a long shot. Your reporting that you and he have had more than one such incident suggests that the two of you have more, and deep-rooted, differences.... and that makes the two of you a "long shot"...
Good luck.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): "can you come back from bad fights and make it new again?"
Only if there is a specific situation, or problem that can be fixed.
In your case OP it sounds more like a clash of personalities than any specific issue.
I mean that in the sense that say your issue was one of telling someone a secret you told him not to tell anyone. Well you could work past that over time as he learned his lesson and never again did that.
When you say quirks OP, those are personality traits and those cannot be gotten rid of. Sure things may be sweet again for a little while but you'll just fall back into the same pattern once a new issue arises.
It sounds like you and he clash in terms of personality too much and you literally cannot resolve your problems without breaking up. You can't start fresh and new OP, that never happens. You can't just say "okay this relationship has gone to the toilet, let's just erase all our problems and start again" that does not work. They'll just keep coming back again, you'll still just get bitter and angry any time you argue and you'll just keep breaking up.
OP you need to resolve whatever it is you argued about, you need to find a way of resolving problems in a way that you don't break up. You cannot change your "quirks" you cannot just decided to be a new person and start again, it doesn't work like that. Just because you don't want to have anger doesn't mean it'll just float away and you certainly can't change that in two days apart.
You seem to have identified some of the reasons why things got so bad, well you can work on those together but you both have to learn how to resolve conflict better but be prepared for the notion that you and he are just two people who clash and that it may never work no matter how much you like him because you can't get on at all. OP arguing well and being able to talk things out are very important, people who have to break up to resolve their issues just don't work well together and on/off relationship never work in the long term.
It's not enough to love and it's not enough to just want to be with someone, if you can't solve problems without fighting and points scoring then you're not compatible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): You have to learn how to have disagreements, and control your tempers. You can't work things out, if you lose control and let anger take over.
Depending on the reasons for fighting, people can forgive and work things out.
Too many fights is a sign of incompatibility. There is a power struggle. Everyone wants to have it their way; and no one is willing to compromise. Therefore; your fight ends in separation and you can reach a resolution. You walk away from each other pissed off, and the only reason you return is because you miss each other.
Did you resolve the issue that led to the argument; or did you just sweep it under the rug until you bring it up again in another quarrel?
Resolve the problem. Talk it out. Everyone must apologize for the pain and anger they caused. Running away from a problem is childish. If it can't be fixed today, leave it alone and just agree to disagree if only to keep the peace. Then treat each other with kindness, regardless of the disagreement.
If you are not willing to budge, and he isn't; how do you think getting back together will work? It's just quiet until the next storm.
Just remember this. If you continue fighting, things will eventually escalate to violence. You have to listen to each other when you disagree. You have to consider the other person's feelings, and fights should end shortly after they start. They should end with compromise and forgiveness.
If you and your boyfriend can't learn to do this, it's going to end, and love can't fix it.
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