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*ayhva112
writes: You don't know what you got till it's gone. Those words have never rung so true since my girlfriend of two and a half years broke up with me a little over a month ago. I'm going to put as much information as possible in this post, because I believe the more information I give, the more I will receive. She broke up with me for multiple reasons. #1 I had a problem with marijuana. She also smoked very often, as do our friends. But I had allowed marijuana to control my happiness. #2 I needed to spend more time with my parents. #3 I did not have a five year plan for my life. These were the things she talked to me about when we broke up. Another thing I know that I did to cause the breakup was crowd her space too much. I didn't want to leave her side unless I was working etc. I felt that I needed to be with her at all times. Our breakup was about as healthy as a breakup could be. I had a very hard time dealing with it. But we sat and talked for several hours about why we were breaking up. There were no arguments or yelling, so I feel positive about that. When we broke up she said she wanted some space, understandably so. We continued talking online (Via World of Warcraft, a video game we both, and our friends play online together). She told me a few days later online that she "Doesn't think she can ever rekindle the feelings she once had for me, no matter how much I changed." I understood, and she said "Thank you for handling this like a man, I was afraid you would be telling me things like 'I want you back'". I told her "To say that I don't want you back would be a lie, but if you don't want that, then I wouldn't force it on you." I asked if we could still be friends and she said yes. She just didn't want to hang out right now because she was not ready and it was too soon. Once again, a very healthy conversation. We continued talking online VIA World of Warcraft and everything was okay at first. We had short convos about how we were doing and what we were doing, and she seemed perfectly fine with it. Later on she started getting very short with me and somewhat mean. I failed to realize that the space she needed wasn't just physical. At one point online I told her that I wanted to set a date where we could get together in the future to talk, possibly a month or two months. I wanted her to set the date so she would be 100% comfortable with it. She replied by saying that she didn't want to set a date, she wanted it to "happen naturally". (Please tell me what the hell "happen natually" means!) Sounds like a cop out to me :( I told her that I was losing sleep because there were things I wanted to tell her about how I felt. I think this was the breaking point. She replied with "I don't want to make you think we might be getting back together because I don't want to." At some point during the convo she said "I don't want to know how you feel." OUCH!! I was pretty upset. Since then we didn't talk very much online, I mailed her a few times online and she either didn't respond or was very short and mean with me. I realized that I had violated the space she asked for. I asked a friend to give her a message for me. "I realize that by sending you mails in the game that I've violated the space you requested." Also I asked the friend to let her know that I wanted to still be friends with her. The friend told her about this and her response was, "Well it's good that he realized what he did was wrong, but it doesn't change anything." and she said "It's too soon." to be friends. Since then I have not attempted to talk to her at all, I am hoping that it's not too late to give her the space she needs. I am very good friends with her brother and he said that everyone that hangs out at their house misses me and wants me to come over soon to hang out again. I told him that I will not step foot over there until she accepts me as her friend because I feel that it will just further violate her space and push her even further away from me. He agreed to not mention it to her for at least one month, due to my request. He agreed that it was a good idea. Since we have broken up I feel that I have grown up more in just over one month than I have in the past three or four years. Everything seems so much different to me. I appreciate everything I have and all the oportunities I have. I have not done any drugs at all since we have broken up, more for myself than because of the breakup. I feel so much better about myself and very confident about my future. I want her back in my life so badly. Although I would be overjoyed to have a love relationship with her again, having her as a friend is equally important to me. She is a very special, beautiful, and unique person. Both her and her family mean a lot to me. Is it too late to let her have her space and still be friends? And possibly one day to move beyond just being friends (if she wants that). I know it's possible, but it seems unrealistic for her to somehow, someday, realize, "Okay I feel comfortable with being friends with him now." I haven't lost hope on this situation due to a few things. She has not put me on her Block/Ignore list on World of Warcraft, which means I could still contact her if I wanted to (but I refuse to do so unless she contacts me first [HER SPACE!!!].)Also she has not said anything to me such as, "I HATE YOU!" or "I don't think we can ever be friends." So it seems there is a somewhat positive outlook on the situation due to the fact that she hasn't gone out of her way to let me know that she doesn't EVER want me back in her life. A suggestion was to wait one month, or possibly two, before doing anything at all about the situation. If two months pass by and I hear nothing from her, does she still want to be friends at some point? The good thing is her brother is such a close friend that he would let me know if she said anything like this. Is there anything I should say or do? Or better yet, anything I should not say or do? I had the thought about if/when she is comfortable enough to be my friend that I don't just come to her house. But rather talk to her about it first. I've thought about what I would say if she or her brother contacts me about visiting (he won't ask me to come over unless she is comfortable with it because of my request) "Are you sure you are okay with this? I know I have violated your space once before, and I promised myself I would never do that again." Also I want to suggest to her that we go out to eat sometime and catch up (as to avoid an uncomfortable meeting when I do come and visit). Any suggestions? Thoughts? Comments? Thanks to all who read this and answer to it!! Also, a females point of view on her Quotes, which are exactly what she said, would be much appreciated!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): That's difficult. Dont kid yourself though, if your feelings are still strong and you desire a relationship still it probably isnt going to work to be just friends. If you still want to be with her and you two are hanging out or playing online games, how are you going to feel when she starts talking about a guy she met, or her new boyfriend, or things of that nature. In my opinion the best thing to do is distance yourself for long enough to discover if you two have anything to offer each other outside of a relationship. if being friends isnt in both of your best interests maybe you should part ways. either way the only thing that is going to allow you to do this is time apart.
good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Gosh! I feel you. I am going through almost the same thing and it sux!I cry myself to sleep and everything I do, I do it for him. He wants space too and I dont know how long this will last but I dont know if I can take it anymore. I find myself drafting mail or text messages to tell him how I feel (ofcourse I never send them coz I dont wanna look desperate) but it kills me! I am a student and thank God this hasnt affected my grades a single bit. Infact, the only time I dont think about him is when am in class or when am studying. I really miss him and I keep hoping he does. I also log into yahoo messanger hoping he does to and says hi. Oh well, I hope you get through this. I know its not easy. Just remember that it could be worse.........
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): hey there, just read your post, i know it's hard as I've also gone through a similar situation with my partner needing space to find themselves and this left me completely upside down, however, I made myself a stronger person, just like you are, improved things for my own sake, and I gave all the space they needed to think things through, yes it hurt me very much, however it made me a stronger and more independant person, and were back together, if not stronger than before.I recon give her the space, but keep yourself in the social scene with your good friends so that she doesn't think that you're at home waiting for the phone to ring,and who knows she might see how much she misses you and see the improvements you've made for yourself and this might cause her to fall in love with the NEW you all over again, but don't expect it to happen so soon, let her see that you are there, but that you are not waiting on her every second of every day.I'm proud of you, keep up the excellent work that you're doing and remember things do happen for a reason.
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female
reader, SherreeBee +, writes (15 January 2006):
 First off, I think its awesome that you've been mature enough to accept and respect her space. And what's even better is that during this time you've began to work on making yourself a more healthy and positive person !
I believe that to truly be happy with someone else, you must first be happy with yourself !
Keep giving it time, and whatever happens, continue to work on becoming a better person ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): First of all, I think it's great that you've been mature enough to understand and respect her feelings of needing space. That's obviously very important to her, and during that time you've obviously beagan to better yourself and get your life together a bit more than it was during your relationship. I believe that for a person to be truly happy with someone else, they must first be a happy person themselves!
Give it time, and continue to lead a healthier life for yourself !
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reader, Dawnest +, writes (15 January 2006):
yes you can become good friends once a relationship has ended. keep in regular contact, meet up occasionally and gradually the longings to have sex with her disappear and you get brotherly protective feelings for a close and trusted friend. You even learn to accept the new men in her life. In time you become god parents to each other's children and enjoy sharing vacations and visits like family members.
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male
reader, Jayhva112 +, writes (15 January 2006):
Jayhva112 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to add something. We both still play World of Warcraft on the same server. I am reluctant to NOT log on anymore. I figured two things could happen. I could stop logging on and either she will miss me more, or it will seem like I am running away from the problem. But if I do keep logging on she will just know I am okay and not worry about me or miss me. Hmm. Just a thought!
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reader, Jayhva112 +, writes (15 January 2006):
Jayhva112 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the posts. I have a list I've written to myself and I'd like to share it with you all. DAILY PRACTICE#1 Don't dwell on the past!#2 Be positive!#3 Be patient!#4 It could always be MUCH WORSE!#5 Remember the good times!#6 Don't discuss her or the doubts you have with her friends!#7 Don't talk to her unless she talks to you first! (SPACE!)#8 Take what she has said to be the honest truth! - "It's too soon." She didn't say it would never happen!!!#9 SMILE!!!!!#10 Don't ever give up hope without good reason!!!!!#11 THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): just leave her alone. if she wants to be friends, she clearly knows you'd be up for it and where to find you. it sucks, but right now, all you can do is wait.
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female
reader, Mysty Angel +, writes (15 January 2006):
Well i have just got back with my boyfriend, that i was with for a few years. So i have some experience of what you are going through. We had many problems like you too did. I wanted to be friends with him, but everytime i tried he would be socialable back to me but i always got a feeling from him that he just wanted me out of his way. SO in the end thats what i did just didn't speak too him, i didn't contact him. He went moved back to the place he come from and i just concentrated on figuring out who i was and what i wanted from life. Then about a year later out of the blue i had a letter come through the post from him, he asked about what i was doing and the rest of it i wrote back, we wrote to each other a couple more times then i had a letter saying he still wanted me back and loved me just the same. And now here we are building a family with our secound child on the way and we have our own house. so it all worked out in the end.
My advice to you would be to stop all contact with her, cause i think she has made that much clear to you already. Just keep good friends with her brother. Give her the couple of months she has asked for and just concentrate on keeping off those drugs and making yourself a better person. Time is a good healer and i also believe in fate so if you were ment to be friends or lovers again then you will be, but if it does't happen you just have to leave it and that special girl will come by again, she may not be the same girl as before but it is possible to get strong feelings for someone again. Just accept the fact that there is a chance that its over just incase it is and it won't hurt you so much in the future if things don't work out. What she has said to you only makes me think that you have a good chance being friends again, like you said she hasn't deleted your name, so thats one good sign. Just keep giving the time she wants and if she wants to be your friend she knows where to come when she is ready.
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