A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel I have fallen out of love with my girlfriend, but don't know whether to stay in the relationship to see if those old feelings will come back to me. We have been together for two years, and initially I broke up with the girlfriend that I was happily living with at the time, and got engaged to my current girlfriend within 3 months. I thought I had found the woman I wanted to start a family with. However, things started going wrong for us when we moved in together. She didn't have a job for a while, and although I didn't mind paying for us, she didn't believe me and became miserable about it. Then her ex re-surfaced, declaring his love, and despite my pleading, when they went out together she wouldn't even tell him of my existence, let alone that we were getting married (she said she didn't want to hurt him). Eventually I told him personally. This nearly broke us up, but he disappeared, and I stuck with the relationship. The next major problem was that I wanted to help a cleaner at my office whom I had befriended (completely platonically), many years before I'd met my girlfriend. This poor girl has had very little luck in her life, and I wanted to try and help her out of her situation by starting a clothing business with her. My girlfriend and I fell out very badly over this, as she felt very insecure. She knew it was something I felt strongly about, so eventually said "it's her or me". I felt this was unfair, and told her that I wouldn't choose her over this, as it would set a precedent for anything else she found fault with. We broke up, and mentally I was out of the relationship, but she then asked me to try again, and I did, backing off from the business idea (and actually cutting the girl out of my life completely, which made me feel very bad). However, I felt quite a lot of the 'magic' had gone from our relationship, and she clearly picked this up. She stopped wearing the engagement ring several times, for months at a time, and finally said she didn't want to get married. When she found out her ex had got his girlfriend pregnant, she cried bitterly. (she said it was because her life wasn't going in that direction). The final straw was when she tried to persuade me to go in on a very expensive property, borrowing her mother's money, knowing already that I strongly disliked that idea. All this has left me very disillusioned, and the independance that she showed at the start of our relationship seems to have been completely replaced by insecurity. I don't know if I can reclaim the feelings I had for her when we first met.
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broke up, engaged, her ex, insecure, money, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, charlie174  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 I agree with jovial on this one, i think you both need some time to step back and look at where this is really going. A break sounds good for you but by the sound of her she won't like the idea. If shes insecure then this will make her even more so.
I also agree that shes probably just involved with you because she needs someone to lean on and your conveniant. You seem to have your head screwed on while she has a lot of emotional issues.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 i think what you guys need is a break i dont think its a good idea to get involved again while you still feel the way you do, she is still hung-up on her ex and i think she wants you because he is not available for her, she also wants you to commit yourself to things that are beyond your interest (borrowing her mother's money), i think this girl has a lot of baggage in her life and doesnt really know how to direct her life which you are better of without her. you need someone who will respect, understand and love you the way you are. not someone who wants you because you are the available man around.
i really dont know how you can reclaim your feelings on this one, you seem to have a lot to offer and this lady is not worth any of your offer.
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