A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while traveling and have fallen in love with the look. But we also want to be respectful so I am not sure if it is the right choice. Does anyone (perhaps religious) have any advice or opinion? Would it look weird to others or would they not care? Thank you.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (19 January 2019):
 Weddings in churches and chapels IS common.... for religious people. If you don't believe in God, it's disrespectful to marry in His house. If you do believe, but don't go to church, then you're still a believer, so it makes sense to marry in a religious setting.
That said, you may find a chapel that will allow it, so find ones you like and ask :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2019): Thank you all for your honest and thoughtful responses. I will take them into consideration. Apologies for the miswording, i probably should have said chapel, not church. I came across quite a few that actually list their venue fee and/or wedding packages online, so I thought it would be quite common. Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 January 2019):
 PPS, I wonder if non-believers arent a tad more demanding of respect for the church than believers are. At all the churches/house of worship I have been at, you are most welcome no matter your personal belief. Some just attend for the sake of community and because the songs are nice.
Your relationship with God is a personal one. Wether you call it a relationship or not. So just talk to a priest/minister or whatever they are called at the church you found. Just ask. No harm done. They wont be offended.
Back before I believed, I used to help the priest on sunday mass, reading the Bible to the people attending and sitting up by the altar. The priest knew I didnt have faith then. But I was curious, and I was welcomed and wanted there. So just ask.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 January 2019):
PS, Im religious.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 January 2019):
If its an orthodox church, then dont. But I dont think they would allow it anyway.
If its a liberal church, sure, why not? I mean as long as you dont mind the religious setting, images, texts and hymns, then they probably wont mind that neither of you can say «i believe in my heart». Most people these days marry/marry in church because of tradition and culture anyway, and not because of faith.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 January 2019):
 My religion must be weirder than I thought. We actually have 2 kinds of weddings. Church and civil are good translations. We would have little trouble with using a chapel for a civil marriage (though it is often done in a different room for other reasons)The local church leader would be willing to perform the marriage at no cost (we have a serious prohibition against selling the gifts of God). He is also responsible for the spiritual welfare of everyone living in the area his congregation serves. Member or other.
Church weddings are a whole different thing. Yes baptism and other sacraments as well as living to the commandments are all required.
I do agree with the repeated advice to talk to the religious leader. That person may ask you why you are drawn to a house of God. Which is a good question you should be thinking about.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 January 2019):
 Depending on the religion, most clergy will want to interview you and your future husband, ask if you attend Sunday services, ask whether you intend to raise your children in their faith. It is not just a case of turning up, getting married and walking away. A church is a place in which people worship their god, whichever one that might be. It is a place which is sacred to the congregation. It is not a place to be hired out to someone because they fancy the look of it.
Have you considered a castle as an alternative venue (no religious beliefs necessary) or a stately home? Both types of buildings can be magnificent and usually have fantastic grounds for the wedding photographs.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 January 2019):
 I am sure the only church that lets outsiders rent their space is the universalist church. It won't have the grand look of a cathedral, but you will be able to exchange vows in a spiritual way without having to believe in the bible. For catholic churches, the priest requires you to convert and go through all the process starting from baptism to confirmation.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2019):
 You like the “look” of a church, is that the high ceilings and stained glass windows with a cathedral type feel?
Or the elegant simple lines of a Quaker meeting house?
If it’s just a decoration issue, I’m sure you can find a venue that fulfills your personal vision.
If there is a specific church, go in and speak to them.
If this about getting a certain feel for your nuptials, then find the secular venues that give you the feeling you want.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2019):
You like the “look” of a church, is that the high ceilings and stained glass windows with a cathedral type feel?
Or the elegant simple lines of a Quaker meeting house?
If it’s just a decoration issue, I’m sure you can find a venue that fulfills your personal vision.
If there is a specific church, go in and speak to them.
If this about getting a certain feel for your nuptials, then find the secular venues that give you the feeling you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2019): Marrying in a church is paying homage to the Lord. You are seeking His blessing by officiating and sanctifying your nuptials through an ordained minister of the church. You don't have to be religious.
If you just like an alter and stained-glass; you should look for a nondenominational chapel.
I think you should at least talk to the priest, pastor, or minister of the church; and explain why you want to use his or her church. Being totally honest, most people marry in a church; with no true ties or relationship with God.
You wouldn't be any worse than some self-righteous hypocritical religious-zealot! At least you're honest and have some conviction about it. I would call that respectful; but what God thinks is what truly matters.
Consider showing God some respect. A church is a place of worship; and not used for "aesthetics and theatrical-effect." If you still feel some ties to some form of belief and worship; then renew them at some point. If you're going to use God's House, at least acknowledge your Host. He is loving and forgiving; all He wants is your love and respect.
If you have a relationship with God, no matter how small; it would be okay. You don't have to be "religious;" but don't play around with such things.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 January 2019):
I agree with Honeypie. Find a venue that LOOKS like a church, but isn't one. Churches can be beautiful, but there are many places just as beautiful, with the same vibe, but without *using* a religious venue.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 January 2019):
 I'm sorry I think you are being thoughtless, disrespectful, oblivious, callous and inconsiderate here.
I'm NOT religious, but I DO have a fair bit of respect for those who are. I have friends who believe and worship, GOOD people.
What you WANT is to USE a church (a group of people's PLACE OF WORSHIP as a PROP for your wedding.) No, just no.
Do you UNDERSTAND the wedding ceremony differences in a church versus justice of the peace?
In a CHURCH with a PRIEST you PROMISE UNTO GOD to take the vows to heart, to take it serious. The marriage vows are spoken before God and in front of your family and friends. Along with the vows, you will make ‘Declarations’, which confirm that you will always love and care for each other in a way that will please God.
So if you are a non-believer how serious is your vow, is it all for show too?
I just don't think it's appropriate AT ALL.
I'm not saying that ALL you can have is a drive-through wedding in Vegas, but I think it's just a TOTAL no-go to want to use a church as a prop.
Instead WHY not FIND a venue that might not be the same "LOOK" but is something that speaks to the TWO of you?
https://www.brides.com/gallery/romantic-wedding-venues-in-the-us
But THAT is just MY personal opinion.
Why not, if you still want to go for a "look" for your wedding with a church, then WHY not first FIND a church and TALK to the priest/pastor? see what HE/SHE thinks?
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