A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have met a 23 year old pakistani guy whom I absolutely adore. i am 18 and pakistani too. We slept with each other the first night we met(I know, bad idea) but we are going strong and are giving things a chance. However, because of our society, he will have to get an arranged marriage soo, within 2-3 years. Our relationship is secret anyway as my best friend is his sister. he really seems to like me and I really really like him. Is there any way around this arranged marriage crap? how can I mke him see that there is a chance for us? I am sure my best friend would not be too angry or even his parents if he told them he doesn't want an arranged marriage. me and this guy are perfect for each other, it is as if we have known each other forever, he's been honest with me and said he can't be with me forever as he'll have to get married, but I know it will break my heart as I have already fallen for him, hard. He seems really upset by the idea too. What do I do???Thanks I appreciate any advice
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female
reader, Angeleyes10  +, writes (4 August 2008):
I m indian and so totally understand the pressures asian people are faced with when relationships of the heart are concerned, but the gud thing here is that you are both pakistani and as ur families probaably know each other anyway as ur best friend is his sister - she may be the key in getting her/his parents to agree to a meeting with ur parents . You have to ... have to... have to live ur life thw way you want = with love and with no regrets..otherwise its haunts and stays with your forever
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Why don't the two of you get married? That way there won't be any arranged marriages as you'll both already be married.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Bunny +, writes (30 August 2006):
 Hi how horrible for you both, if you are both of the same race and you know each other's families, then why dont you both start dropping hints as to why the two of you should not get together maybe if you make his parents and yours think they decided it, you never know give it a try good luck to you both x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2006): Tough one. This kind of situation I think happens quite a lot, I guess it is an unfortunate consequence of western values mixing with eastern ones.
I think the situation would be a little different if your guy was commited to being with you but it sounds like he wants to respect the wishes of his parents and go through with the arranged marriage so that leaves you with few options as you do have to respect his wishes.
One of my best friends who was Indian went through so much heartache for years because he was so westernised but his parents were firmly traditional. He always liked a lot of white western women but he knew his parents would never forbid such a thing, he eventually used an Indian online marriage website and found a girl that his parents would accept. It's been about 6 years since he met her and they are happily married, with 2 children and, more importantly, are very much in love.
Going back to your situation: If you think your guy will change his decision about you then by all means try and change it. But, if he does not, accept his wishes and put this down to experience. Maybe you can try a similar method of finding a guy as my friend did - if your parents don't have a particular guy for you, that is. Good luck. I hope you can all come to an outcome where you are all happy. Peter
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