A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts and uncles... looking for some feedback here! My current boyfriend and I have known each other since high school and have been together for about four months. We moved really fast once getting together, although neither of us were trying to. Our relationship has been wonderful for the most part.We come from *totally* different places. I am a divorced mum with two children. I have had long- term relationships (a year or longer) and lived with several boyfriends other than my ex husband, to whom I was married for six years. My boyfriend has never had a relationship longer than six months, doesn't have any children, and has never even considered living with any of his girlfriends. I am the only one he has ever said "I love you" to. Basically, I am his first serious relationship (he is in his early thirties).He is wonderful with my children and treats me like a queen, does anything for me when we are together. However, he is very emotionally immature at times. He tends to be selfish when it comes to feelings other than his own. For example, he will make plans that don't include me and not tell me until the last minute, and then when I explain why I am upset, he tells me that it shouldn't be a big deal. He thinks that I should be okay with him taking off at the last minute with friends, which I am, to a point. But what I understand is that relationships are built on compromise and trust. While we have plenty of trust, the only compromising that is happening is on my part, and I am having a hard time with that.I guess my question is this: can a relationship between two people coming from such emotionally different places work? What are your experiences?Thank you for reading!
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female
reader, vanessaxoxo +, writes (31 May 2010):
Im going through the same thin i have 2 kids that are not his 1 that is im 23 he's 20 and no matter how old you get some people never grow up so thats what your doing helping him grow up in a way all the things his mom never taught him you are his training wheels and its very painful for us i know can it work if you both want it to but you might just get sick of it in the long run
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 I think it could work so long as he is willing to listen to you and try to understand where you are coming from with some of those annoying things (I'm right behind you on those issues by the way). I think you should say to him "Look I love being with you and I'm so happy with you but this, this and this makes me feel sad, angry, anxious etc. What sort of solution could we work on here. If he's unwilling to see it from your point of view move on cause you'll just end up being sad and angry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): No relationship is without it's problems for we all are humans, thus we all come with a certain amount of issues, problems, addictions, regardless of how small or big it is. If this is the only issue you are having with your boyfriend---you should not be expect him to include you in all his plans and just as long as he doesn't cancel plans with you just to hang out with his friends, then it certainly shouldnt' be an issue. You are the most exp. one as it relates to relationships, plus you are a parent and he isn't as far as having any biological children of his own. So they way you see relationships and they way he sees them are totally diff. Maybe you never really exp. hanging out with friends and being able to get up and go when you like too due to your resp. as being a parent and at one point a wife. Don't make an issue out of something that shouldn't be...it is extreamly diff. to find a relationship that doesn't have any major issues. So if your relationship is great as you cited, don't make a big issue out of this one thing. As I cited, as long as your bf is not canceling dates with you or the kids to hang out with his friends....it shouldn't be a problem.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 May 2010):
 How long have you two been seeing each other, and how serious is your relationship?
Relationships are built on compromise and trust, but they're also built on freedom. Good relationships encourage each other to follow their dreams and become better people. Too much "compromise" on either side leads to resentment.
You should be yourself at all times, and there might come a time when you decide that you've had enough. You must remember, there is nothing you can do to change him, and you have to decide whether or not the way he is right now is something you can live with. Just because you're the first person he's said "I love you" to doesn't obligate you to give up everything to him and bend over backwards for him.
I say don't compromise. If you want to go out, get a babysitter and go for it. If you want to go somewhere with him, insist on going where you want to go next time. But resentment builds up in a relationship like toxic poison in a bloodstream. If not dealt with, it'll choke a relationship.
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