A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm nit-picking everything in my relationship and turning it into a fight. Sometimes, I feel like I'm so in love and I couldn't imagine being without my boyfriend, but ever once in a while, I don't want him touching me, holding me, kissing me. I don't even want to be around him.Is this normal? Sometimes I feel like I'm being smothered, and other times I can't seem to get enough. Breaking up has been a consideration on a few ocassions but I didn't want to act on impulse so I stayed with him and waited it out, everything got good again, but now I feel the same way.I don't know what to do anymore :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): Do you spend a lot of time together? You mentioned feeling smothered at times. But at other times, you can't get enough. So do you mean that at times you feel more able to cope with the attention than at other times?
If you think it could be that you genuinely do feel smothered, then one suggestion could be to spend some more time apart. You could both use that time to do other things, see friends, do activities you enjoy...anything you can do without the other person. That can help, because you will be getting space, and it can also make you feel more happy to be with the other person when you do see them. There will be more of a balance between being together and still being your own person, having your own separate lives, and doing your own thing.
Have there been any problems in the relationship? Anything which has hurt you, or made you feel angry or resentful towards him? If so, it could be that those things are still troubling you deep down. Perhaps if you brought them to the surface, got them out, or talked to him about it, it might help clear the air.
This might sound like a silly suggestion, but sometimes it might even be down to hormones. I know that at a certain time of the month, for example, I feel very irritable, and do not wish to be touched or spoken to. When I do talk to people, I go all snappy, and would rather just be left alone. So do you think this could be a possibility? Are there certain times when you feel this way, or is it more of a general feeling?
Sorry if I am asking a lot of questions! I am just trying to understand more of your situation, and maybe also help you understand more too, by making you think about some of these possibilities. Maybe something might strike a chord for you, maybe not. I can understand you probably feel a bit stuck though. Not entirely happy and so thinking of breaking up with him...but at the same time, not wanting to break up with him, because you are not yet clear on the reasons why you feel this way, or what exactly is troubling you. I think that if you can try and discover exactly what may be troubling you, you will be able to find the best way forward, whether that is to talk about it, discuss something with your boyfriend, or walk away. The answers are somewhere inside you. It is just a case of finding them. I hope something here helps, good luck. x
A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 It sounds like what your real problem with him is the cause with the intimacy problem. If you dont want him near you, what is he doinbg to make you not want him?
What do you mean by "everything is good again" Perhaps you need to take a step back and look at what the real issues are here. And what are your reasons for wanting to leave him? This could be your "intuition" so to speak telling you that something is wrong. You will have to think this through and make your decision!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 May 2010):
 What makes you not want to be near him? What does he do that makes you feel smothered? Do you know? Would it help to talk it out here and figure it out?
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