A
female
age
36-40,
*uckystars88
writes:I have only been married for just over a year and my husband and I are already having problems. Not just issues that any marriage will go through and can work through but he refuses to trust me unless i provide proof that im not seeing someone else. I used to just deal with it and prove him wrong but im getting tired of being put on trial every time he feels insecure about something. He trusted me before we got married but about 3 months after the wedding suddenly i must be hiding things. He wants to go through my phone and email to see if he can find anything incriminating and when I say that is uncalled for he comes to the conclusion that its because im hiding something. I met him when I was 17 and he was 21 and it feels like we are growing apart. I dont know if this marriage is going to get better. even if I let him snoop he'll never get over his trust issues. He gets very controlling and im not a person who is easily controlled so he starts going off about whats wrong with me and what i should change and his feelings about everything but he will never acknowledge my fears or frustrations.. Is this savable? I dont know that i can be happy when we always have all of this tension. I dont want to create any more pain than there already is but if it isnt going to work I dont want to waste either of our time. anyone have any advice on if this is even worth saving and trying for anymore???
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female
reader, hernandez +, writes (10 September 2009):
 I'm sorry for you. I started my marriage off the same way.We have been married for 28 yrs now. The trusting part did get better the longer we were married..But, I don't suggest you keep putting up with it as long as I did. You both are to young to stay in a realationship that keeps having on going problems.If getting help don't work.Get out of it.Don't spend the rest of ur life with someone who don't trust you..Best of Luck..
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 You are starting off the wrong premise. You decided to marry this man because you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. He was so charming and great that he must've swept you off your feet.
Now... there are always difficult times and difficult issues, but the question shouldn't be: can we work something out? but rather: how can we work this out? You got into this for the long run. I am not saying that after all it's been said and done, if nothing works, you should not walk away. If there is any psychological or physical abuse, that would be the obvious answer. However, it seems you have not tried anything yet. There is couple's therapy, individual therapy, support groups, among others. He needs to recognize there is an issue and you two have to start working on trying to help him deal with his insecurities. You also need to work with your resistance.
Hope the best for you two!
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