A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a man I was with years ago. Friends said I was crazy to try again. I never got over him. He is just the same as he use to be. I love him though. We never do anything I want to do. He drinks every day. He sleeps till noon the next day. We watch and do what he wants. He has no problem with spending my money. I don't want to lose him. I was alone for a long time before. He says he loves me but for some reason I don't feel it. I want to believe that if I am a positive influence on him he will change himself for the better. I worry constantly about making him upset at me. Everyone says I have a lot going for me but he is who I want to be with. I have this lingering fear of totally trusting him. We have a lot of good times but something is still missing. Can this relationship last?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the feedback to my question. I just want to believe that this is our second chance. We were so close to being married before. I left that part out. I'm in my early 30's now. I've had a string of bad relationships. I want this one to be the good one. I will definetly take into consideration all of the advice.
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (3 December 2008):
 It will last precisely as long as you are willing to put up with being taken for a fool and used for your money. Don't count on being able to change this guy, so if you aren't okay with letting him walk all over you like he seems to be doing you had best leave him and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Good luck =]
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): Reading what you have written, I feel you are blinding yourself with your own loneliness and to cover this up you are trying to have a relationship with a man who, to be honest, isn't showing you much love and respect. Better to be with just anyone rather than be alone...right? Better to be with someone with so many faults who you hope desperately will change rather than go it alone again for a while and build your own self esteem...right again? Ask your self if it is.
You know this man won't change, people seldom do, it's a fact that is hard to face and as your life stands now you are caught between the devil or the deep blue sea...not much choice is it, but what else can you do?
Loneliness is hard to bear but it does allow YOU to put YOURSELF first and to build yourself up into a stronger person. Living with someone that your in permanent fear of upsetting or having to walk on egg shells is self destroying and miserable.
Please don't do this to yourself, you're worth so much more and we only get one life. Do things that you like to do and that make you happy and keep your options open. There is always the chance that you will meet someone else and be much much happier than you are now.
Good luck and lots of love to you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): girl.. this has all the signs of a relationship going downhill, i'm sorry. I think you're starting to doubt the relationship yourself, or else you won't be asking the question.
sadly, you're the only one who can answer your question as you're the one making the choice here of either sticking it out with him and waiting for him to "change" or just move on and take care of yourself first before you end up being a full time "mom" to your bf.
good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): In a word, no. It can't last.
I ask you: what on earth is there to love about this man? he sounds totally selfish: does whatever HE wants, without consulting or thought of what YOU might wish to do; spends YOUR money freely (does he have any money of his own? does he even have a job?); drinks every day and then sleeps until noon (sounds like he has alcohol problems). SAYS he loves you - BUT, don't you know that actions speak louder than words? HIS actions are practically shouting that he does NOT love you. And you're afraid of upsetting him?
Boy, does he have you on a string!
You tell us you think you can be a positive influence on him and change him for the better? If I had a dollar for every woman who'd ever said that, I'd be a millionaire by now! The truth is, not you, not the archangel Gabriel can change a person - any person - unless he or she WANTS to change and then commits to doing the hard work to bring it about. If you think you can change this man by your influence, you are, frankly, fooling yourself.
You tell us you have a lingering fear of being able to totally trust him. LISTEN to that lingering fear! Its your lifesaver and your best friend!
...............................
|
