A
female
age
30-35,
*nonem
writes:I want to cut my entire family off from my life completely.I come from a very large polygamous family but we're so divided that every part of the whole is like on its own niche. I don't talk to my step neither do they talk to me. I only keep contact with my full blood relatives. I know I've said this a lot in my posts. My niece was the most abused by our dad and dads side of the family. And it affected us in a way through out our lives. My sister enjoys abusive relationships because she thinks it's normal.My brother beats his partners,has a lot of anger.My mum refuses to move on. She's still stuck on my dad who has remarried.I want to move on but my family is dragging me back.We always get the news of what our dad says about us to visitors. He claims the only way we are surviving in the outside world is illegally which isn't true but only born out of pure jealousy because we are the only kids doing very well for our selves. A major event happened in one of us lives and I suggested we keep it as private as possible from HATERS. But to my utmost surprise, my mum and brother who refuse to move on already told our dad who never wishes us well. Well it's not my event but I was disgusted by this as they both know he doesn't care about anybody.When will they move on? I'm tired of living in the same old pattern. I want them totally out of my life. Being with them has not be different or great. I feel it because they only want to boast they told our dad. Am I wrong to feel this way. I remember Wiseowl saying cutting ones family off is the greatest mistake that I would regret it.I don't think i would. The only thing I regret doing is not walking away when I had the money and the chance. I just want nothing to do with them and this decision has put me on a collision course with them. I couldn't care less. I need honest answers. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2017): Think long and hard about that.One day you will need them and you will be all alone.Never let present feelings which may be temporary drive your decision which may be permanent.I suggest telling them exactly how you feel. And if necessary, distance yourself. But cutting family from one's life is something I have seen to make people bitter and lonely and sad. It always tears away at your psyche. Even if it is just guilt. You will one day regret it. You will most days be questioning it.Never let it get to the point of regret. You are in the here and now. Before you do something you regret. I have family members who had a fight many years ago and one of them died and the others never attended the funeral. All those years, they held onto a grudge. I have always seen that as a pathetic quality in any human being. The inability to forgive. To understand one another. To understand we are all human and do things for a reason and sometimes they are not meant to hurt another person. Because perhaps we are the one who is hurting. And are oblivious. Honest communication is the best course of action. And then, if there are no results, you can distance yourself. There is nothing wrong with seeing family occasionally and keeping in touch without them being in your life 24-7. It is like having the best of both worlds. Why go to the extreme and cut contact for life?
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 January 2017):
 I think cutting them out completely may be unwise, but distancing yourself to only seeing/talking to them a couple of times a year would be good for you.
You can cut them out completely, but I think you should try minimising it to only seeing/talking to them a couple of times a year first. If you need more space, then do it completely. You can always cut them off more, but bringing them back (if you ever want to) is much harder.
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A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (2 January 2017):
anonem is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your comments.
@slippers, I apreciate the fact that you said "we are always here for you". Thank you.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 January 2017):
 Never have I believed in the saying that blood is thicker than water. For me and my past family relationships, that blood ran though my veins like poison. It was toxic. So, like you, came to the decision- enough! That was coming up to nearly 4 years ago and I don't regret it one bit. The fork in your road is Self preservation or Self sacrifice. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017): I am in a similar situation. I have been reading about narcissistic abuse in families and how to go low or no contact. You may recognise your family in that dynamic. I would advise to save your mental health and your happiness first and foremost.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (2 January 2017):
I had to cut my sister out my life for the fact she had went absolutely bonkers to point of her MIL get a restraining order against her and her property .
I felt relief as she made my life for nearly a yes absolutely misery when all I done was support her and her daughter . We got her daughter a mobile phone she rang up huge bills and because we had moved I couldn't check I thought it was my husband he was unsure so he did blame himself he set up a business and therefore thought he was over using . This went on until I phoned to enquirenand got the new it was my niece . By then had paid nearly 3 thousand to the mobile carrier .
So I told her we wouldn't renew my nieces contract it was then all out war on her side so I cut her off .
I changed my phone numbers
My email and any other ways she could communicate with me
We haven't spoken in 5 years I don't miss her as I'm used to without her and it's a relief . I still love her and wish her well . I just don't understand. Her or her behaviour as there numerous other incidents .
So I can understand your situation
Maybe you need to start becoming less involved . Pull back say oo I'm busy then etc . Stop listening to them going on . Distances your self .. in time you may not speak at all . Not through anything being said so say you wish or change your mind the door is somehow always open that little bit .
I'm so sorry sweetie about your family but you are strong and I hope you have a great bunch of friends to support you too if not we are always here
I shared my story so you'd know everyone mostly as bunker peeps in theirs .. take care and hope this has maybe helped even a little .
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A
female
reader, clueless8989  +, writes (2 January 2017):
They do sound toxic. I can imagine your dilemma. I know family is important. But say I was in your position, honestly I think I would cut them off. I don't want to be miserable forever. But I'll be happy if my family reaches out to me after I left. I'll make sure they get the idea that I do still care about them, but I just can't deal any longer with their behaviours.
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