A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently got a message from my ex boyfriend's new wife. She talked about how she went to social services and told them how I used my daughter to get back at him, yet all I did was take her away because he wasn't there for her anyway. Plus she said that my daughter has had many different caregivers, which isn't true I just like to have time to myself, I think I deserve that once in a while. She also talked to a social worker on how I advised my ex to tap my daughter in the mouth if she said no, which may I add is the only way she listens. The fact that she isn't potty trained (she's four) isn't entirely my fault, because the people I leave her with don't make her go to the bathroom. She also disclosed that my daughter says I love you to random people she's just met,(she said that's a sign of detachment and neglect) but to me she's just really friendly. His wife told me that social services would have no problem taking my daughter away from me and putting her in their custody. Is any of that grounds to take away my daughter?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): I'm appauled that you would hit your child in the mouth for any reason! I've had very few cases were the child has the ability to say "I love you" to random people, and yes it is a sign of detachment disorder. I'm also sorry to inform you that yes it is your fault your daughter is not potty trained, it's your responsibility first to care for your child, then you can have time to yourself. Please spend more time with her, because I would have no problem taking your daughter away if I knew it was the only way she would get proper primary care!
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (20 December 2008):
 I think I might have mistaken a word here.
If tap meant to take the hand and strike the child I still say THROW that idea AWAY~
When I used the word Tape.I perhaps misunderstood what I was seeing. Angels eyes are getting old.
My apoligies if I didn't read it correctly.
At any rate Tapeing or TAPPING the mouth could be considered CHILD ABUSE~
Happy Holidays!
*Remember the CHRIST CHILD, for HE is the REASON for the SEASON.
Thanks for reading,
Blue_Angel
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): As others have said here. You never hit a child. The fact that your daughter is 4 and isn't potty trained is an indication that there is a problem And, the girlfriend is right, the fact that your daughter says "I love you" to random strangers is sign of attachment disorder. You and your daughter need counseling.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (20 December 2008):
First of all hon you need to think put your child first. If you need time for yourself be sure to leave her with only those who are adaquate caregivers. NEVER TAPE her mouth shut! Simply try placing your hand over her mouth and asking her to 8hhhhhhhhh. This mouth tapeing episode is classified as CHILD ABUSE!
It seems that you are having real problems trying to raise the child, that happens to alot of single parents. The ex's girlfriend quite possibly is a nosey busy body, but she is correct in the ideas that certain things aren't acceptable. You must do all that you can to protect your child. If he hasn't been the Father he should be, then it's up to you to be Mother and Father. It isn't going to be easy but you can do this if you have to.
I suggest that you seek professional counseling for yourself and your daughter. Parenting classes are a good start. They will help you to learn better coping skills as a parent. Since she is of preschool age you should check into the daycares and other facilities that are available to help in getting her discipline in check. They will also help in the potty training to a point. Some do require that she is already potty trained before she starts the program. For now hon put yourself aside and work with her more closely at home. You might need to take her to the toilet serveral times a day to reinforce this. Don't allow her to wear pampers/diapers. This reinforces her effort to not go on her own. Be patient, Rome wasn't built in a day. 8-)
Sometimes Mental Health facilities have programs to help in teaching, monitoring or building interpersonal relationship with parents and or caregivers.They can give you ideas and instructions on how to help the child to develope. They can also rule out any other problem that might be surfacing that you may not see. (ADD or ADHD or other conditions). Just so you know some children just don't learn as well or as fast as others to go potty on their own. You just have to keep trying. My son gave me a fit in training him. He was over 31/2 before he completed the tasks on his own. He was scared to death of the toilet! He played with the potty seat and always removed the little cup in the front. *rolling my eyes*
If you are stable in the care of your child. If the caregivers are executing the best possible care for the child the amount of caregivers isn't the biggest concern. However you need to make sure that they are upstanding and not careless, that they promote a safe and loving enviorment for the child. I know that you need to spend time with the child nurturing and always make sure that the child picked up on time and never left in the care of those who won't make sure the little one left hungry or dirty or neglected in any other manner.
My advice is to start your own ball rolling and get the necessary help before DFACS gets too involved. It's a long drawn out court process and it can lead to the loss of custody of the child. If the Father isn't doing his part now, the child could possibly be picked up by the STATE and parental rights could be terminated, thus allowing for adoption of the child.
Make those calls. Get the help you need to be the Mother you need and want to be. Find the facility needed to get the child help for her discipline( the main discipline starts at home)and what others problems she might be encountering. Take their advice and do exactally what they are telling you to. Pay closer attention of to whom you leave her care too and throw that tape away! Do these things with LOVE and ask God to help you, he really has more answers than I do, I just know where you are comming from. I have had a rough time raising my own children, their Father didn't do right and I had problems with my health. Then I took in two little boys ages 2 and 3 to raise.Their Mother gave them up and then their Father had a heart attack. I helped him get them back. I even had custody for a short period of time of my own grandhchild due to uncontrolable circumstance. I was disabled but I put them first, all of my chldren and by the GRACE of GOD.I WON!
My best wishes to you and I pray that you can do what it takes to give your child the happiest of homes.
God Bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): No, I don't think it is...but you may want to work on your parenting skills...I am a preschool teacher and a four year old that is not toilet trained is unheard of!
You may deserve some time to yourself but your obligation is to your daughter! Tapping her on the mouth is Not Okay! This child needs love and attention! If you can't supply that for her, maybe you should do the loving thing and let your ex raise her!
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am concerned for you and your child. Read some parenting books and get help from the proper agencies if you are having a hard time being a mother...I know it isn't easy, I have made way more than my share of mistakes, which I can never take back.
We only get one chance to be the good parent and if we blow it, it will come back in years to come. Maybe that's why I work with children now. Maybe there is a part of me that is trying to make up for the mistakes I made with my own children.
Please think about it!
I wish you and your daughter happiness!
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