A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a bf and he is very outgoing, talkative, and humorous... I'm attracted to him because I'm not that out-going, at times shy, so I find him very charming.But what I don't understand is, he seems to have a lot of female friends, and would talk to them on Whatsapp, on phone... commenting on their posts on FB, them commenting on his as well... etc, I am not an out-going person, so I don't know whether this is normal. I do have several close male friends, but I never have feelings for them, I can't even think of them sexually because it gives me goosebumps, so they are just pure friends. However my guy friends did have feelings for me, is it why they are holding on to this "friendship" because they are still attracted to me somewhat? And this makes me think of why my bf just continues adding people to his FB list, and sometimes would call them just for "talking". A little history of us will probably help: I was a very trusting girl before I found out he cheated on me few years ago, with his ex, who happens to be working at the same company as he is! In the past, I never questioned him whenever he went out with friends, even female friends alone, because I always thought it is normal for him, as he has always been outgoing.But now, after many lies... over and over and over again. I lost all my trust although now we are trying SOOOO hard to make this relationship work. I tried sooo hard to trust but I just can't... I cannot help but to think that there MUST be something going on, EVEN if nothing physical is happening, or even if the girls don't have feelings for him, I still doubt... and I don't know what intentions he has. However, because we are working on this relationship, he does it less but blames me for not letting him have his personal life. I am devastated... as I thought this is what we agreed on! And I believe IF the girls showed him interest, he would have done something that can damage this relationship... I just want to know if this is normal for guys to want to have girl friends when he has a relationship. One thing I cannot control is that his job nature requires him to meet with client at flexible hours... this is making me so insecure. He would ask his friends to meet up, and he would look for chances for business, but of course, you don't tell your friends that "I'm trying to sell you something..." before meeting up with them, so I can never tell whether he goes out for business or for other purposes, I tend to trust him... but I don't know why he keeps calling them on phone or texts them on whatsapp randomly, just tell them he misses them (jokingly), and the girls would tell him she misses him as well! I mean, i would do this to my girl friends, never do this to my guy friends because I feel there should be a boundary (I used to have a male friend whose then gf was so jealous of me so we stopped contacting each other), am I being paranoid??? I mean I don't want to have double standards, I do have several male friends, but not as many as he does............ and if my bf doesn't like it, I would respect him and stop being too close or contact that much, because the relationship is what I value the most!! And most importantly, I don't know what his intentions are, even if they didn't have physical relationships, I think I would find it disgusting if he thinks of them sexually... and he calls them "friends", and denies "having an intention" in my face...
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am I being paranoid, cheated on me, his ex, insecure, jealous, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 February 2013):
Like others have said below, I think its possible if there is no physical attraction.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I have male friends. NONE of them are CLOSE... I don't go to dinner with them or go clothes shopping with them... or gossip on the phone for hours.
I have some... they are usually younger than I am and married and work friends more than outside friend.
none of my gaming friends are close and as a married woman I have no single male friends I am close to.
I would also be concerned about my husband have close single female friends... not because I don't trust my husband, I do, but I've seen what single women will do when they think they have the chance to get a man away from his partner.... and so many men are totally clueless about when they are getting hit on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): I'm going through this now.And, to be honest, he was a very skilled liar. I've found four of us so far, and it's been going on for years. My advice is if it doesn't feel right, it isn't.... It's better to be safe than sorry. I was the only g/f he lived with full time and spent loads of time with his family. The only time he would leave is if he'd instigate a fight and storm out for twelve to twenty four hours, still calling constantly. Lets just say be sure to protect yourself. Make sure you see his paycheck stub and the hours match up. Does he contribute? Does he spend an adequate amount of time with you? Ask the woman he works with the name of the company, their phone number or address. My ex boyfriend as of this week was telling his other women that he worked erratic hours and that his family had passed away. Not true...... Those poor women. I'm a little bitter after giving around 20 months of my life to this man, but I just want women to start protecting themselves a little better. And it never hurts to google their name for court records if things get sticky. I found more than I could of dreamed up on my own. Good luck! And, I hope you're safe.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): I'm sorry, but there is no such thing, unless homosexuality is present. Men and women CANNOT have a close friendship and nothing more. They can have casual friendships, but not the frequent phone call, luncheon date, game watching, picnic attending, basketball playing, secret divulging friendships that exist between friendships of the same sex. Unless, like I said earlier, homosexuality is present.The rationale, or evidence is simple. Men and women, generally, value very different things in friendships. For example, women like to talk, and men like to be active. We draw closeness in different ways. We compromise and accommodate each other when we are attracted to each other, and I don't just mean physically. We don't naturally relate to one another in deep friendships unless one has feelings of more than friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): I think so... my boyfriend sounds a lot like yours. I've been cheated on, lied to, stepped on... and then I met my current man. :) I'm only 18, but he's the man for me. When we first began dating, I noticed he had a lot of girl friends and it didn't bug me too much. However, they would always call him (no particular reason or boyfriend troubles) when I was with him! He could tell that it was bothering me, and eventually he REALLY took to that and stopped answering their calls and texts every time. He is very loyal, respectful, and faithful! I usually don't trust the girls, though. He's pretty attractive and I know a lot of girls think the same. I think you are totally fine to trust him! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Yes, it is possible if there is NO ATTRACTION. If there is an attraction between a man and a woman, it becomes very difficult to maintain just a friendship.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Hi
Yes it is possible, I work with mainly men and have a good relationship with them,alot of laughs.I have always had alot of male friends.
However I wouldn't dream of telling them I missed them, when your in a relationship you draw a line out of respect really. If their wife/partner saw a message like that from me or any female friend I think it would cause a few problems.
Speak to him and ask him to tone the 'I miss you' type messages down. Apart from that you have to trust him and yes he can be just friends with them.
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A
female
reader, DeliriousOne +, writes (18 February 2013):
Yes, it is possible for men and women to be just friends. Ever since high school I have had nothing but male friends. It's a personal choice, as I have had bad experiences with having female friends. To be hoenst, some, not all, women are drama... plain and simple. So, I choose to surround myself around men. Does that mean I am remotely interested in them? No.
As far as the trust issues, I agree with what CMMP said. :)
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 February 2013):
Yes it's normal, and unless he's given you a reason not to trust him you shouldn't make a big deal about it because it will be the beginning of the end of your relationship.
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