A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a one night stand while in a relationship. It wasn't planned and in no way could be considered an emotional betrayal. The following morning, having realized what I had done and what I stood to lose, I confessed. Fortunately for me, my boyfriend said he forgave me and did not wish to end our relationship. He said he still trusts me and knows it will never happen again (which I've assured him of). Is this too good to be true? Is he in denial? I'm afraid that at some point in the near future, he will suddenly change his mind and leave me. Or that we will stay together, but he won't truly trust me.Can someone truly be forgiven? And if so, how do you tell that you have been forgiven?
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (15 January 2009):
If he is snooping around, spying on you, questioning you about your whereabouts, who you speak to on the phone, who you are texting, checking your phone, checking your on-line activities and e-mails, checking your mail, then no, he still does not trust you. If he seems anxious at times for no apparent reason, then no, he does not trust you. Is he exhibiting some or all of these mistrusting behaviors? You will probably know by how he is acting around you.
Or, you could be right, he may be very good at hiding how he really feels. If this is the case, I would think he'd be more quiet than usual, not as forthcoming in sharing things with you, often avoid eye contact, etc. It is difficult for someone to be harboring something internally and not have it reveal itself in some way on the outside. Do you often feel as though something is wrong from his end, but can't quite put your finger on anything particular? Do you find yourself asking him whether or not something is wrong, to which he replies no, nothing is wrong? If so, he may be hiding how he really feels. In this case he wants to forgive you, he is trying to forgive you, but hasn't yet fully been able to do so.
When did your one-night stand happen? I've read that someone who has been betrayed needs to go through all the seasons of the year (in other words, at least one year's time) before they are able to start trusting their partner again, so long as everything has been on the up and up in the interim.
I want to tell you that I give you tremendous credit for confessing to him. Most people wouldn't. It makes you accountable for your actions, and though the one-night stand was an act of dishonesty, you have come clean. You don't have to worry about having a secret from your bf to which he is entitled to know about, and you have set the tone for a relationship of honesty and truth from that point forward.
Sometimes love can overcome anything and everything. It is entirely possible that he has completely forgiven you and that he does completely trust you. Sometimes something like this happening in a relationship makes the relationship that much stronger as a result, when you both are able to work through it, let it go, and move on. When forgiveness has taken place, and when trust has been re-established.
Watch his behavior closely for signs that he has not forgiven you or signs that he still does not trust you. Discuss your concerns with him honestly, as you have done here. Reassure him. Gauge his reactions and responses. You will know in your heart what his true feelings are.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): Wow, anonymous reader you pretty much summed up my thoughts in a nutshell. Sex really is important to a guy, paticularly in the way anonymous reader put it, unlike women who look more towards the emotional side of things. Hence a big reason why women stay with their cheating other half whereas most men ditch them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): I think all of these answers are good, however something you said worries me a little bit. You said it “definitely wasn’t an emotional affair”,
Well, I’m sorry to break it to you but that means absolutely nothing to a guy.
The fact that you found someone else that entranced you in such a way that you gave your body to him, something that you had promised exclusively to your boyfriend, in such a flippant and disposable manner is what hurts your boyfriend. The fact that you don’t respect someone you profess to love enough to stop yourself from giving the most precious part of you to a one night stand would cut me to the core.
To be honest, I would probably have a harder time getting over a one night stand than an affair that took a while to heat up. At least in that situation the other guy would have had to work for it a little.
Could I forgive you? Maybe. Would I ever be able to forget it or fully trust you again? Probably not. I can pretty much guarantee you that he’ll be thinking about your one night stand whenever you two have sex for a long time to come. He’ll wonder what the other guy had that excited you so much. What the other guy felt like inside of you. He’ll wonder what he doesn’t have that made you want someone else. He’ll wonder what the other guy was thinking when he had his way with you.
Infidelity is a tough one to get over.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 I think people can be forgiven if they show they are sorry and can be trusted never to do it again i think he has forgiven you but the question is can he forget or will he bring it up in an argument just to make you feel low? If he loves you then he wont do that.
If you love each other then put it away in the past and concentrate on the future dont drive yourself mad wondering if he has forgiven you chances are he has and chances are he doesnt give it a 2nd thought
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 That is true love!
But id just be sure that he never ever uses it against you ever. Id let him know that you feel very bad about it and that you appreciate him forgiving you very much and that it is very rare that he has. but you need to make it clear that he will never use it against you.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (14 January 2009):
 Forgive but not forget. For a while, possibly years, it will be in the back of his mind. Everytime you forget to call or your late or something like that he will think of it. But as long as you are really honest and he really loves you, over time it will fade and the trust, true trust, will return. After all, trust is faith in someone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): he might just be in denial and maybe the anger will come at a later stage or maybe he forgives you so easily because he himself has done it to.
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