A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, I went out with this guy (ill call him John)for a year. I was 22, him 23. Both living at our respective parents house. I was sleeping at his place quite often since my job was near by. I knew his mom, step dad, grandma... and was getting alone with all of them. Sometimes on weekends, his mom would even cook breakfast for me (a really nice woman).We were going out to clubs together, restaurants, movies, hang out with his or my friends.sex was amazing and regular, he was tellin me how beautiful i was, was watching me while I was sleeping, meeting me 4lunch when he was off, helping my dad renovating the new house without me being there, he was telling me he loved me often saying we'd get married, calling my his future wife, etc.Then he quit his job saying he needed time to study (his parents have $$ so he didnt have to worry). But, instead of studying, he was going out with his boys, playing poker, basket ball, babyfoot,casino, etc. He was basically busy almost every day and night of the week but he was still the same with me 4a while.He was playing playstation sitting on the edge of the bed from the moment I was going to sleep till I was getting up to go to work some nights.I started felling something was wrong when he didnt react nicely to my suggestion to get a job (I didnt wanna ask his mom for $ so I was ending up paying for our stuff since he had no income).He had gotten a lil too controlling and jealous over the last few months telling me he didnt want me speaking to these and those guys (most of my guy friends and the guys from the other teams a his BBall games).then one day:I feel like I should be single right now. broke my heart, I tried to find out the real reason since I didnt believe that crap but I never did... he said not 4now but we never know if we'd go back together in the future, etcHe wanted us to stay friends, I tried, we slept together again... Couldnt handle it so I told him We couldnt see eachother again, it was too hard 4me.So i brought all his stuffs back, took mine and it was it...few days later, I had a note on my windshield with his name and cell number sayin call me.never did... didnt think itd be for a nice talk so..then he showed up outside my job, it was about something weird, dont quite remember but nothing to do with us...4years passed byI went to some club for a friends bday.Had a lil bit to drink so I was kinda happy :)grabed my friends hand and walked to the dance floor and he was there right in from of me...I was shocked, didnt know what to say, he asked me 4my number, gave it to him...he texted me on my way home, he wanted to see mein his condo. I went. I had the best sex i had in Years. Animal ish, rough...So he texted me about a month later... we saw eachothers in motels since at night, during my lunch hour, etc.On one of these occasion, he looked at me and said: I still have feelings for you you knowthe only thing I could say was oh yeah then change subject... I have no clue why.He have told me few DATES before that he not just had a gf but that was engaged.so you can imagine my surprise when he said that!I texted him later asking if those words were said in the heat of the moment or if really meant them, so he said he honnestly didnt know, that he'd have to think about it.last week, he texted me wassup then I said I was just thinking of him wihch was true, so he asked me why I didnt message him since so long (about a month), then retexted I wanna see you right away.ok, so he told me he could come pick me up anytime the next day and to bring some clothes so I could sleep over.He picks me up, we go grab some food in his neighborhood. as im trying to figure out what i wanna eat, he comes to the back of me and get closer putting his head on my shoulder telling me how good I look.we get to the condo where he lives with the fiancee (shez not there obviously). we sit to eat as we watch a movie... he put his hand around me, take my hand, caress my arm with his other had, kiss my hair, my head during the movie, he was being really affectionate without being really sexual.we ended up having sex on the couch later on, moved on to the bedroom, etcduring the act he kept on sayin stuff i couldnt hear, a lil weirdafter all that, he lay down next to me to start caressing my body, kissing my shoulders,my back, my ass, my legs, then we fell asleep.he brought me to work saying i better contact him soon :)I know I really should stop all this cuz i mean, the dude's engaged! It's not okay that im helping him cheating on her.... But im confused too... I still have feelings 4him, it actually never faded away...I know I should leave it behind, move on and meet someone else which already happened, i have someone but its like im still hooked on him..Can someone please tell me what's in that mans head?!tx a lot
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 One evening very soon sit down and look at yourself in the mirror then make believe you are his fiance, sit with that for a while, then get a sense of how you feel, then you'll know how you would feel if someone did that to you...your friend
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I agree with SincerelyYours, seriously what the hell are you doing? Sort out your feelings BEFORE having sex with him. You dont need to have sex to figure out how you feel about him. Hes going to get married. Obviously he must love this other woman enough to marry her. Ask yourself, if you decide you are in love with him will he leave her to be with you? Would you even want to be in a relationship with someone who loves another woman as well as you? Even if he does leave her, you can be sure he is still going to have feelings for her too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that and you guys are right... I've tried to avoid thinkink about it too much not to have to actually take the decision... But I will, its not fair for her...
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Honey i'd not only like to know what's in HIS head, but what about YOUR head?
No clue.
All I know is you have someone, he has someone, so what are you two doing?
Cheating, that's about it.
Either both of you have to end it with your "someone" or you both need to stop this immediately.
I feel really sorry fo rhis finacee. I think she should know about it honestly before she permanately attaches herself to a cheater and gets her family destroyed.
~SY.
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