A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am asking for some advice because I am so confused. Me and my ex were dating for about a year and a half. About two months ago we had an arguement and I left and when I returned he was gone. He took out the puppy and left without saying anything to me. He went back to live with his mom 4 hours away. He told me that he thought that I didn't need him or that his opinion didn't matter to me etc. At first I was mad and I didn't want to hear it, but I know how I am. I am a very independent women who doesn't need a man to take care of her. So after 2 weeks of not talking to each other I drove all the way down there and I told him that I do love him and I want him in my life etc. He said that me coming down there really proved to him that I loved him and that we were soulmates and that we were meant to be together forever. I asked him if we was sure about this. He said yes. So I gave him a ring and I told him that I want to marry him someday. Not anytime soon but eventually. He said that he wanted to marry me someday to. He seemed happy and everything was looking great. I drove back home the next morning thinking everything was good and everything was for a few days. He were texting eachother back in forth telling eachother how much we loved eachother. And mind you he was the one saying that I want to be with you forever and that we were soulmates and that he was very lucky to have me. Then all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me just out of the blue. I was texting asking him if something happened and what was wrong. He didn't text me back until the following day saying that he was sorry and that he knew I was mad at him for ignoring me and he said that it wouldn't happen again. Once I got that text I called him and I said we didn't have to be together. I asked him a million times. I told him that I understand that you are home now and you're with all your friends and you can do your own thing. I said it very calmly and I wasn't getting mad or anything. Everytime I told him that we don't have to be together he kept saying that he did. I just kept saying that I will understand and that I am not going to get mad and yell at him if he said that he didn't want to be with me or if he needed time, but he kept saying that he did. So I was like ok then, but I am not coming second to your friends and you can't just ignore me. He told me not to worry about our relationship so much. Then once we got off the phone I haven't talked to him since. I tried to call but he wouldn't answer. I texted him saying just write yes or no to if you want to be together or not. I didn't ask for no explanation or anything just a yes or no and he wouldn't even do that. After that I asked for my ring back and he still hasn't sent it back to me. I haven't tried to talk to him since because this to me is just childish. All he had to say was that he didn't want to be together and everything would have been fine. I told him that I would understand and that I wouldn't get mad, but he kept saying that he wanted to be with me. Why would you want to be with someone if you aren't going to talk to them. That doesn't make any sense. It's been a litte over a month now that I haven't talk to him. Can someone please tell me what is going on with this guy. How come he couldn't just say that I want to do my own thing? I just didn't want it to end like this. There was no need for it. Someone please tell me what his deal is please!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Sounds like to me that you are co-dependant. not independant. And that personality only works with so many people. Sounds like you needed a better communication strategy, and to make him and you aware more often of the things that make you happy with the relationship. If you can talk about those things you will sometimes find some small things turn into big things, and be able to squash issues before it makes him want to run.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Noone can tell you for sure what his deal is, but if I had to guess, you treated him badly in the relationship, and he being back home near his family and support of friends made him feel as though he doesn't need you. Or he just met someone else..it's that simple to me.
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