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female
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anonymous
writes:Ahhhh I suck at relationships! It's pissing me off!I'm 19 and I love my ex boyfriend more than anything, and he's in love with me. But he moved away a while back, so we're not together. I don't fancy a long-distance relationship. So that's Guy #1.Guy #2 is Guy #1's friend (Guy #1 knows about it, and he's happy for me), who I'm now sleeping with. We get along and we fancy each other like mad but there's not much chemistry (except when we're having sex, which is GREAT). Only recently he's started taking me on dates, and there's been less sex. We agreed at the beginning we would only be friends with benefits, but I'm worried he wants to take it further.I would have been up for this a few weeks ago, until I met Guy #3. Now this sucks, because he is Guy #2's best friend. Christ. I am not purposefully trying to sleep with everyone in our circle of friends, but they're all so damn hot in their own ways. Guy #3 is gorgeous, and we have more chemistry than a science lab. He always gives me these smoochy eyes and he is hilarious, and frankly he flirts with me and talks to me more than Guy #2.Help. I can't stop seeing them, because they are all in a group with my best friends. I really don't want to hurt any of them (I know it doesn't sound like it, but honestly, I care about them all). I know I can't have Guy #1. I know I'm not going to fall in love with Guy #2. But Guy #3 is his friend. Can someone help me make sense of my tangled love life? x
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best friend, flirt, friend with benefits, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight, I am going to try and talk to Guy #2 then. I know it sounds stupid, but our communication has got so bad that I'm nervous to bring the subject up in case he feels used. I will tell him that we are either friends with benefits, or just friends.
Guy #3 already knows that me and Guy #2 are sleeping together, they live in the same house and everyone knows anyway. I think that's what's made it worse - everyone else assumed we were boyfriend and girlfriend now, and that's where the confusion started.
Everything is very amicable between us all, and as we are all young and half of us live together, as you can imagine there's quite a bit of sleeping around going on, and no nasty comments so far.
Oh well, I'll leave it there, thank you all for chipping in xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what you mean, but that's the problem, this guy said he wants to be friends with benefits. So yes, he did say he just wanted sex. But now he's taking me on dates. And now I like his friend. That's it in short!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFade 878-
"so confused about what love is, and uses sex to help her not feel alone, empty, hurt, scared."
I am not confused about what love is. I just don't feel that love and sex have to necessarily be linked. Neither do I see any harm in not wanting to feel alone, empty, hurt and scared. I never claimed to love anyone since my ex, and I don't plan on it. Sure I like them. But love them? Nope. Neither do they love me, so as far as I'm concerned, that's ok. Sex is sex, love is love, sometimes the two go hand in hand and sometimes they don't.
I am not running away or trying to cope, I'm done with all that now. I just like sex. I'm sure you do too. I don't want a lecture on how sex should be reserved for true love only, because I'm afraid that's not my opinion, and you'll have a job to change it.
Anyway, thanks for the advice.
PS - Please don't call me an 'angry little girl'. I may not be a super-experienced pro as far as relationships are concerned, but it is a tad patronising.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell for one thing, these guys are all quite feminist in their own ways. They are not going to hate me for being slutty any more than they would another guy. I know because there are several girls who hang around with us who sleep around, and no one treats them any differently from the guys who sleep around. So I'm not really worried about that.
Guy #1 is not going to get hurt, because he doesn't care who I sleep with because we know we love each other and that's good enough for us. But as we're not together, he accepts that we can sleep with who we like, as do I.
Guy #2 is confusing me more and more. When someone asks him if we're together, he sort of looks awkward and says "not really", but he acts like we are. What does he want?! I'm pretty sure he doesn't have deep feelings for me, I think he just wants a girlfriend and as he's sleeping with me, I'm the convenient choice. And to be honest I don't want a relationship based on convenience. I keep meaning to ask him where we stand but I tried once before and he just sort of went awkward AGAIN and mumbled something about friends with benefits.
Does it bring me happiness? When I was getting over Guy #1 moving away, sex was a distraction that helped a lot. I guess it made me temporarily happy, and I never kidded myself that it was anything more than that. I think I really could be happy with Guy #3, but now I'm caught up with all this.
Would it be harsh to go out with your friend-with-benefits' best friend?! I honestly don't really know 'the rules'... x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Not a good idea to sleep with people who know each other. Of-course they all hot, being 20, but what are going to do? Sleep with them all? There will be a lot of numbers in your life, you just starting. But guys are like that, they gossip like you would never believe, than they are going to take turns with you. i wouldn't trust them that much. of-course they all charming when they want to get in your pants. Be carefull, we girls need to be smarter than them, we are the ones that must control the situation
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female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 You have to know that boys love to gossip.
If you enjoy being passed around, don't mind having a reputation, and you don't get hurt, well, I don't know what to say to make it less complicated. Does having sex with all these boys really bring you happiness or the happiness from the thrill of it all?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Wow! You are in a tangled web! I agree with the previous answer...someone will definitely get hurt! And there's a good possibility, It will be you in the end! If you care about these guys, and you say you do, back off! You're playing with fire!
I know it's exciting having so many guys showing you so much attention; a great esteem builder, but use that to find a guy outside the group of friends! If you pursue this it could end up destroying all the friendships. Just be careful and consider everyones feelings!
Good Luck, I hope I was some help for you!
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (24 November 2008):
 How about finishing with 2&3 and then maybe meeting hot no 4. Because you are not going to get a very good name by sleeping with all the guys in the same circle of friends are you??
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