A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Started seeing this guy 6 months ago, and found out 2 months ago that he is married. He is in a sexless marriage - of course that is only heresay! I only get to see him about once a month as he's often away on business, and is terrified of his wife finding out. We plan to see each other once a week, but he invariably lets me down.... traffic, work, too tired. We talk to each other quite a lot as he stays in a hotel two nights a week, and get on very well.He has a stepdaughter (14) and says he won't leave his wife until for two years which I assume is because of s.daughters exams. We do have great sex, but I am getting more and more fed up with the broken dates.I never intended to have an affair with a married man, and have my own problems, divorce and house move in next 2 weeks. Perhaps he only needs the odd encounter to keep him happy.... do you think he will stay in his sexless marriage? (I am 45, he is 52).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Thank you all for your advise. I know with my heart I should go now, but it's nicer to have someone in my life right now, an I love the closeness when I'm with him... I hope I can be strong and make the right decision.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I have to agree with everyone, if he really want out he would get out it is easier on children to have a set of divorce parents the two people that are together that do not love each other. The longer you stay in the hard it will be to let go and he will not let go because he has a secured good thing on the side.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Don't trust him as other people have said already, he is using you for sex because he is either not getting it at home (not your problem) or you are there to fill other desires on the side, you are worth more than this, I know I trusted someone who told me all the same things and found out too late for my feelings that I was the one being treated as a play toy for him, it has ruined my life as his wife found out and has made my life hell,I deserve what I got as I did know he was married and did allow myself to to be taken in by his humble charms, these kind of men always come out with the same old crap,pity pity pity for me my wife deosn't care, she doesn't love me and we have no sex life, and we are stupid enough to go along with it. Get out quickly before he destroys your self asteem, your future and present existance girl, walk away with pride and forget him so you can have a happy and loving future. YOU deserve better......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Dump him and walk away with pride and dignity, sex is not worth the pain of a broken heart, you are being USED for sex by a married man for his own satisfaction, of course he's going to tell you he is in a sexless marriage, thats what you want to hear, if he told you he loved his wife and had regular sex you wouldn't try to break up their relationship so he plays the pity card. He will enjoy the odd encounter of course but when you get sick of being used he will crawl back to his safe enviroment.Tell him to take a hike and find someone who loves you and only you and who would never hurt you, thats what makes a relationship special and you feel special, I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): You sound very vulnerable and he sounds like he is taking advantage to get sex. He keeps you sweet phoning etc. but if he was serious he would leave his wife, or at least plan to. He could have others.
Try and concentrate on mending yourself after your divorce,and on your house move. You could start a whole new life with no associations with him, all fresh and new with hope for the future.
I broke up with someone in the middle of a house move and the move was what helped me to get over it, because I was so busy sorting the place out. I threw away everything he had given me, even the duvet cover and it really did help.
Be brave. You deserve better. Get as much support as you can from your friends and try to make some new contacts, not looking for a lover just to have another focus.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Get out before you're in too deep. Sounds like you could take it or leave it right now - if you leave it too long you'll get too emotionally entangled and when he makes the inevitable decision that he wants to give his marriage a go/feels too guilty to continue, you'll get hurt. I know because this happened to me. Leave now before it's too late - trust me, if you think it's tough now, it will only get harder. If he tries to persuade you not to leave, don't listen to him. If he really wants to be with you he must end his relationship with his wife first. It's the least you (and also his family) deserve.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): he is just having a little thrill on a side, that's all. Do the same if you can, but don't expect much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): He will stay in his sexless marriage,unless it suits him to leave.Which may not ever happen.Just becuz theres no sex,doesnt mean a guy will get a divorce.Theres many other factors that will keep him there,and is also using his daughter as an excuse.Your providing the sex....she provides for him at home.He has the best of both worlds,why leave?I have been with a married man,and learned my lesson.I still carry the emotional scars from it,and probably will for the rest of my life.I dont trust men like i once did,which makes it hard starting new relationships.Dont do this to yourself,everyone who says he wont leave is absolutely correct.Please take our advice and leave him alone now,before you get more attached.
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 He's a cheat and a liar for waiting so long to tell you what's going on.
If you're fed up now, it will only get worse and that's reality. Sorry that you fell for a lying cheater. If you stick around he will see how easy it is to take advantage of you. He is out for himself and himself alone. Best to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): He is playing you. Have some self worth married men will stay with wife more often than not. Have some values leave married men alone
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A
female
reader, lrichier +, writes (24 November 2008):
He is playing you. Have some self worth married men will stay with wife more often than not. Have some values leave married men alone
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): It's more difficult to get out of a complicated relationship if you entered it not knowing how complicated it is! But when a woman is in a relationship with a married man, all she can expect is crumbs! It's a sit and wait game. I feel for you...but to answer your question...Will he ever get out of a sexless marriage? He may be just stalling with the 2 year/stepdaughter thing. If it's true that he is in a sexless marriage, he may be just using you for sex. What does your gut tell you? It's hard to trust what a married man tell you because by cheating, he is already telling you he is untrustworthy!
If you are looking for a committed, monogomous relationship, I would keep looking if I were You! I don't see how you are going to wait 2 years for someone who you are not sure of in the first place! I understand your frustration and I wish you the best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): im actually going through the same...but i've known all along. im not happy to say that but i actually just was going to have a little fun with him and didnt' know our feelings would go this far. this weekend it hit the fan he stood me up, and i called and left him several messages telling him that i have his gf (he's not married, just been in long-term relationship) phone # and their house #. Well make a long story short he called me first thing the next morning talking about he got drunk and went to sleep. and aplogizing...he actually told me to go ahead and call the gf...i don't know if was trying to call my bluff or what. but as far as your situation you're going to have to tell him that your feelings are being hurt when he stands you up and if can't keep the dates then you will have to cut all contact...are you expecting a relationship in the future? or are you satisfied with what you're getting?
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