| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, i wonder if anyone can give me some advice please. I have a problem with confidence, i always have and just don't know how to gain the confidence i need. The problem is with myself, i have a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me and is always complimenting me. But i find this awkward because i do not feel what he is saying is true and i never know how to respond.Also i have a problem with eye contact, when we hug he likes to look at me but i feel so self conscious when he does this i just can't give him the eye contact back. how can i look him in the eye for longer than a split second without going red?And lastly when i go out i am always being called boring by friends (although i feel this is true) my boyfriend is also beginning to pick up on my lack of social skills and i think it is annoying him. I do try to have fun but i just feel so out of place that i stay quiet and try not to draw attention to myself. I guess i feel that i do not deserve my boyfriend and that if i show him affection other females will feel sorry for him that he has me as a girlfriend. How do i change these stupid feelings? I just need to know how i can get better at all of the above,can someone please give me some help.Thanks (sorry it is so long)!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your kind words sarah-lou. I will keep what you have said in mind and hope i can have the strength you had to overcome this problem. Thank you! :)
A
female
reader, sarah-lou  +, writes (24 May 2008):
hello
Confidence is something which grows. When i was younger, i wasnt happy with myself and lacked confidence, now i know myself and im not bothered what others think about me. Its a really hard issue to deal with and i totally understand.
Firstly you cant accept anyone saying something nice about you unless you think its true. Which is maybe why you feel awkward, and if you dont believe in yourself you will not believe other people are being true to you. I think your boyfriend will mean everything he says, just smile and take the compliment dont say anything.
I suggest you look in the mirror and tell yourself your beautiful, everybody has a bad day or something they dont like about themselves. For me its my dimples when i smile, but you cant do nothing about that, when i was younger i was overweight, now ive lost that and i feel confident to wear whatever clothes you like.
I also think its an issue to do with your life in the past, if somebody has ever knocked you down, ignore them and they are the ones who are not being true to you, either they are jealous or unhappy with themselves. its a way to make themselves more confident by seeing the suffering of others. So ignore everybodies opinions but your own.
in reference to your last pronlem if you take into account my suggestions i think you will be the one that everyone looks at on a night out, you will gain confidence to be social cos you know you look fantastic, i bet everyone belives in you but yourself. your boyfriend is there behind you, what more can you ask for. Be bold, yourself and dont worry about what people think of you. take care sarah-lou x
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