A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:okay, so I'm a bit confused...Groing up and in college it was my understanding that guys are to wait a few dates and even a few months to ask a girl to be his girlfriend but1) my ex boyfriend waited 2 days to ask me to be his girlfriend and my current boyfriend (???) asked me the same night to be his girlfriend BUT we had 2 hrs of meeting each other he said "we're both adults (he's 27 I'm 24), I enjoy your company... we have a great time together, I don't believe in titles... you can call it girlfriend I can call it whatever... the moment you don't want to see me again you can tell me"How can someone just decide I want to be your boyfriend/gf in a few hours?... is that how nowadays work?... My first bf asked me a month after our first date and in between our initial first date we never spoke... Why do I think he's just playing?
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (14 August 2012):
What is normal to some is not normal to everyone.
To be honest, whatever your normal is now, it may not be the same as your normal from 5 years ago, or even five year from now. You have to decide what normal is for you...whatever it is, someone else somewhere will feel the same way. This is a bridge between two people...sharing similar ideas places you on common ground where you can build a friendship or relationship together if you choose.
Communication is key. When in doubt, ask questions and clarify what wants and needs you each have. Communication builds the foundation for any relationship.
So, to answer your question: sometimes there is an unmistakable attraction between two people it may be lust, it may be love...whatever you want o call this chemistry, it can (sometimes...most likely this is actually a rare thing) cause two otherwise rational people to take a risk and say they are in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend after only knowing each other for a couple of hours.
Usually though, people take longer to make that declaration. If both people don't feel that attraction, that kind of declaration could be a sign of desperation, mental illness, or controlling tendencies.
What does your gut tell you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you Cally, I understand that and I to be honest I don't like the titles thing he said because to me, when you call someone "my girlfriend/boyfriend" is like marking what's yours and you'll protect it against anything or anyone that can try to hurt it, so I can call it whatever (i.e. "ehhh we'll see what happens, type of relationship" sounds like bull crap to me...
however, I want to understand, I'm 24 but I had my first boyfriend 3 yrs ago and at that time I just wanted a boyfriend so I didn't care about details (It turned out to be a very intense relationship, UPLIFTING, WONDERFUL, AMAZING when times were good, HURTFUL to the bones when we were fighting) anyways, my second bf he just waited to the next day when we were seeing each other (he's 34) that was a very stable and healthy relationship but we broke up because I moved away and when he asked me I was soooo lonely an homesick that I was desperately trying not feel sad and lonely,
See my conflict start with the fact that I was brought up in a super old fashioned hispanic home where ladies are not to be after certain hours (even when I was 25!), you called home to let parents know of your whereabouts, no sleeping over at other people's houses and I appreciate that but now the world doesn't work like that and I am proud of my upbringing and I cherish it but at the same time... it's confusing at times and I am having conflicting thoughts/idealisms now that I'm out of college and out of my parents home...
What is the norm? is there a norm?
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (14 August 2012):
If he's telling you that you can say you are his girlfriend, but he won't call you his girlfriend...then right now, he's really just not that serious about being in a relationship with you.
Essentially, by refusing to call you his girlfriend he is hesitating...i think he wants you to think that you are his girlfriend, but he is keeping his options open. If you like this guy or expect a monogamous relationship, you need to tell him immediately that you expect him to be physically exclusive...no playing with other girls, no fwb on the side, no 'what happens in vegas stays in vegas' player games.
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