A
female
age
36-40,
*inkypinkdee
writes:My ex and I had been together for 7 years, but broke up about 4 months ago. We have since been seeing different people. He contacted me about 3 weeks ago, and we did some talking about getting back together. He said some very important things about how he feels, and he says that we will get together to talk about it - but it hasn't happened yet. He told me he doesn't want to tell me exactly how he feels yet, but when I said I miss him and think we should get back together, he said all he'll say is that he feels the same, and we'll see what happens, and that if we do get back together, it will take time - it's not going to happen overnight. Since I've put my feelings out there, he has backed off and is now not answering my messages. What is going on here????
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 October 2009):
You sound like the back up rebound girl. Don't let him use yoou this way. There are better guys out there who can give you love. This guy doesn't love you enough.
A
female
reader, crispap  +, writes (20 October 2009):
Honestly it sounds to me like he is keeping you as backup just in case his new relationship doesn't work out. Either he really misses you and wants you NOW no matter what, or he doesn't know what he wants. I mean if he said that he doesn't want to tell you how he feels yet and he is avoiding you it is exactly because he doesn't know himself what he feels. The "yet" really means "depending on what happens with the new girl and how I feel about her." It's still new with her so he needs more time with that and it is very unfair for you to have to put your life on hold waiting for him if and when he will want to get back together.
Unless he has other trust issues with you, and reasons to try to spite you or get back at you for playing him (if something like that happened) than this is most likely the scenario. A guy friend of mine admitted to doing the same exact thing. His ex girlfriend keeps begging him to get back together and although he says he cares for her, he wants to enjoy his free time to play the field and date other girls. He also says the same crap about getting back with her maybe and only if after time and doesn't answer her messages. I mean what do all men think we sit around waiting for them forever?!
You need to put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't want to be with you, there are plenty of guys that do and you are not going to wait. Only then will he take you seriously.
Also, after ending a 7 yr relationship, you would think that both of you need some time to heal and think things through if you did the right thing or not. If both of you jumped into new relationships so fast maybe you are more over each other and ready to move on than you thought..
Hope I have helped..Take care
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