A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I are truly in love, soulmates, friends and we are very attracted to each other. He arouses me and I feel very sexy, gorgeous and desirable when I am with him. He has a very nice size and this would make sex perfect but for some reason he when he has an erection it isn't fully erect, he seems to have a hard time getting completely hard. I don't want to hurt his feelings so I haven't said anything to him (we've been together a year). I want to maximize the pleasure. How can I ask him about this "problem" without hurting his feelings or making him feel "inadequate?"Why does my fiance ask me to tell him about my past sexual experiences? He wants to know all the details of the "dirtiest" things I've ever done sexually. He calls it "truth" or dare, and he just asks questions he expects completely honest answers. He does not get jealous, he just seems to be curious and it seems to arouse him. Why?My boyfriend has asked me what I would think of having sex with another man while he watches. He seems to get turned on by this idea. I know there are tons of very different reasons for this fantasy and that a wide variety of people have this same fantasy. However, I am wondering what HIS reason for being turned on by this might be. I could explore the possibility of doing this with him, and might even enjoy it, but I am afraid to say that I would not enjoy nor could I have sex with him and another woman. I am afraid to ask him if he also desires to try the threesome with a girl, since the very idea makes me jealous and if he does have that fanatasy, I rather not be confronted with it. Are there any signs or indications which might give me a clue as to why me having sex with a guy would turn him on? How do I know that he wont expand this idea to include him having sex with another girl?[mod note: combined 3 questions from same poster]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): To be honest, you would have to convince your fiance to go to the doctor about the erection thing. The doctor is the only person who can answer that question for you. How you are going to get him there? I really don't have any advice for you on that one, because that is such a sensitive subject for men. However, what he wants you to do sexually is completely disrespectful. Marriage is a life long commitment between ONE man and ONE woman. No one else is to enter the institution of marriage even if it is for sexual gratification. This does not seem normal to me for a man to wants to see his fiance sleep with another man and it really shouldn't sound normal to you. I would seriously reconsider marrying him considering what "gets his rocks off". Think long and hard because this could ruin your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): Why does he have trouble getting completely hard? Getting and sustaining an erection takes a combination of physiological things to happen and if any one of them goes wrong then there you have it. It could be an indication of health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure, poor circulation, overweight, lack of excercise, too much alchohol, stress, medications, having masturbated recently or addiction to porn even. So there is no really clear answer to the question, but solutions lie perhaps in discovering the cause.
Personally, I think you are slipping into dangerous territory answering his questions about what you did sexually with past lovers. This bothers a lot of men and they feel differently about you after hearing that, like they can't trust you. One of men'a worst fears when choosing a wife is being cuckhold, having a child with the woman and then having her cheat have an affair and some other man raising his child....he may be testing you, which isn't a good idea, ever to do that. You don't have to answer his questions directly, it really isn't his business and could end up hurting him instead....you know him best.
Also dangerous having a threesome of any kind...sure it is a male fantasy, a little different one wanting to watch you with another man, sure he doesn't have gay tendencies? Usually when there is more than one "cock" in the room it is about a homosexual act so say the professionals, which I am not.
And no there is not a guarantee he wouldn't want to have one with two women.
This is not a good way to start out. I think you should hold off on any marriage plans until you figure out what your values are for your marriage and what fidelity and marriage mean to the both of you.
I can certainly say it is not usual or healthy to have an open marriage like this. It usually takes professional porn stars to tolerate this type of arrangement, they become desensitized to sex and consider it a job, extreme compartmentalization in order to pull it off. Is that you?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Is there any real stress in his life, or does he have performance anxiety that is preventing him from getting an erection? Also, given that some of his fantasies are leaning more towards the extreme (your sexual past, you having sex with another man etc), it could be that he now needs that to really arouse him. Don't have sex with another man, because it might wreck your relationship. I worry about his past a bit. Is there something in his past that makes him feel this way? To get answers, you have to gently ask. Start out asking him about his past sexual experiences since he does it to you.
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