A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Is there anyone out there in a successful polyamorous relationship? My wife and I recently fell in love with another woman and believe it or not I sometimes have jealousy issues over the time they spend with each other without me. they do have something very special together and plan on marrying each other after I'm gone. (They are both much younger than I.) What I'm really asking I think is " Can it really work long term?"
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Anything is possible. I don't knock anything until I try it but ploy wouldn't be for me.
Anyways, all issues such as jealousy aside. Would it be possible for you to split your love equally 2 ways, and how is the sex? That would be my concern. Also, regarding your wife unable to carry a pregnancy full term, how does she feel about that? Is she upset and feels like less of a woman, is she okay with you having a child with this other woman? Women are made to have children although I do understand there are women who don't want them, but for that ones that do..telling them they're not able to do what they are designed for is very devastating. Definitely, discuss this with her. I agree with female anon, make sure you have prenups on for both parties..because if both decide to leave that's one costly divorce.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (15 November 2010):
 I'm happy that you and I were able to "RELATE" because, I too have been there. The differences in my relationship was that he never had, the concern of all parties as you do. He was selfish! You said the right words when you said it's "The art of compromise" Keep that in your mind and near your heart and you'll be fine! And I wish you all the blessings with a new baby!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): I have lots of friends who are Poly; it's a subculture in the US that has a lot of momentum right now. Poly only works if the primary relationship is well-settled. I'm going to assume you and your wife are the primaries. Read up on the Poly lifestyle and how other people have handled it to see if it's going to work for you longterm.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory and
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_polyamorists
I tried poly, and discovered that while my sex-drive may be poly (any port in a storm!), when I fall in love I'm a one-man woman. So, while I still have many poly friends, I'm not involved in poly any more.
I agree with the financial problems that can arise. There are also custody issues. It may be wise to prepare post-nups (like pre-nups, but post...) to resolve now any issues that might arise going forward.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree about the need to Fit in and find my place in the relationship. I feel that is where some of my confusion comes in. That is something that I'll bring up. you were able to put into words what I felt.
I am definately finding out that communication is even more important in a polyamorous relationship as well as the "art of comprimise"!
We do share many of the same intrests and when we can we try to go on "Dates" together.
By the way, I am not wealthy by any strech of the imagination! I do have a trade that I have been in for more than 25yrs and am semi-comfortable. I'm not worried about either of them causing any financial issues. I truly do not believe that to be an issue.
We really do want this to work long term between the three of us. and yes.... there has been talk of having children. My wife and I don't have any because she has a problem with being able to carry full term.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (15 November 2010):
My only worry is that you both have fallen for another because you're both, on some discrete level, dissatisfied with one another. I guess I am going to be "that guy" and say that love should be between two people.
You're always going to have holes that the other person can't fill; no love is perfect, but that's why you work on things and communicate through things together. If you both have feelings for another woman, something inside of both you is saying, "My spouse alone just isn't cutting it."
I honestly wish you the best of luck, but I don't know how well this can work out for you. I hope whatever you choose though, it does work. In my opinion, you need to rekindle your relationship with your life. You can't always fill the voids with one another, but that's what makes marriage so tough (and also more rewarding) Its not meant to be easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): whther it can work or not is not the issue. you are the 3rd wheel already. so are you certain they are not having a lesbian affair and just accomodating you because it is easier for them.
Also they are planning to marry after yo are gone. meaning when you die. call me a sceptic but seems like these two much younger woman are planning to be together very very soon.
do you have a will in order? who is the beneficiary. do you have any kids? any previous wife?
sorry good aunts and uncles, i work in the legal financial services industry and i have seen some nasty things happening.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 There are a lot of people on here who would say "No, this will ruin your relationship with your wife if you let it continue. Being married is supposed to be just 2 people sharing a bond, not 3. You might as well give up."
Ignore them!
I think that people should do what they feel is best for themselves and their partner(s). Your relationship is about yourselves, not about social scrutiny. Life is too short to not make time for excitement and love.
I believe that it can work long term. It sounds like you are feeling a bit left out and that is something you need to sort out soon before it becomes a habit for the girls. Arrange times when you can spend time one-on-one with each other, or specific dates all three of you can take. Let them know how you feel. For this kind of relationship to work, open communication is essential. It is so important that each one of you is happy and comfortable and not feeling neglected, otherwise its more like a duo relationship with someone else tagging on.
Its great that they have something special together, its ok to remind them that you are part of the specialness too :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): For the long term Id say definitely not as you have emotions involved with both women and hence your clear indication that very good potential if not certain risk of jealousy lies clear in that path. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (15 November 2010):
ABSOLUTELY! If all parties just accept and play their part, then it can certainly work! Playing your part is where the confusion comes in. Getting a clear understanding where you exactly "FIT-IN", can be painful and bring on jealous emotions. However, it don't have to be another person that brings those jealous feelings OUT, a pet can do that! It's NOT KNOWING IF YOU'RE STILL NEEDED AND LOVED..And I feel that's what you're going through. My advice would be to loosen up, and get more involved w/what their INTERESTS are other than sex. And because you're older DON'T mean you're going first!(tomorrow is not granted) Statistics,states MEN outlive WOMEN! And it's not like them two of them isn't using up EXCESSIVE amounts of energy waiting for YOU TO GO SOMEWHERE,TO BE TOGETHER!LOL! COUNT ON NOT going NOWHERE! No Watered Down Advice Here!
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A
male
reader, Noman Fayez  +, writes (15 November 2010):
If love your wife and want to build a life time relationship with her, having kids with a happy social family then just get out from it. It will ruin your relationship to your wife.
This type of relationship won’t go in the long run, but creates problem in mind and disturbed the natural social infrastructures.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): what a dilemna. I will assume you are wealthier than either of the girls, but you are expected to meet their collective fiscal needs. And that your bisexual wife is vastly younger. And now your bisexual wife has brought her bisexual young lover to the marriage. Your position is vulnerable to financial abuse as well as marginalisation. You pay the bills but i bet the two girls see you as an easy mark to exploit. You may not view it as i see it, but it appears to me that you are the third wheel in this relationship.
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