A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Without dragging out too many details, I joined an outdoor activity club over a year ago and met a guy on a weekend away with it, at the time we were both in relationships but after I got home he messaged me just general chit chat and it has continued on as very long ongoing messages for this entire time. I am no longer with my boyfriend but he has been with his girlfriend for a number of years now. On a recent weekend we got very close, he looked after me on the more difficult activities and cuddled up to me at every opportunity. We share a big communal room and he slept next to me cuddled up and holding hands. There is an obvious intimacy between us which I am sure I am not imagining. Given he relationship status though I'm fighting with saying anything to him but I can't get it off my mind. Can people be in long term stable relationships that they don't realise are wrong for them until a particular passion comes about with someone else?Basically, do I tell him how I feel at the risk of getting nothing from it and making our friendship awkward or do I just continue wasting all of my time debating whether we have something together or not. I know if I was his girlfriend I wouldn't want him behaving how he did with me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (18 October 2014):
 To answer your question, yes. I think people can be in long term relationships and then meet someone else they click better with. However, they would then leave their current partner. This guy has had over a year of knowing you and he still hasn't left. You are single. There's nothing stopping him. If he liked you enough or more than his current girlfriend then he would make a move to be with you. Since he hasn't I don't think the feelings are reciprocated. It seems he likes the flirtation with you and that's where it ends. I'd keep my feelings to myself and probably stop with the cuddling and hand holding from now on, it only gives you hope and let's you down when it doesn't go anywhere. Also you probably shouldn't date someone who would do that behind his girlfriend's back anyway.
A
male
reader, devont +, writes (17 October 2014):
 I was in a long term relationship with my ex for five years. Then I started a new job and got on extremely well with one of my colleagues - there was something between us and I really, really liked her, even though there wasn't anything particularly wrong with my ex. Within a month (I think maybe even just a couple of weeks) of meeting this other girl, I broke up with my ex... Although we didn't get together straight away, I knew that I liked the girl from work more than I liked my girlfriend. So... if he hasn't broken up with her already, then he probably never will... But is keeping you around just in case they do break up and also to massage his ego.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2014): If he can do this to her while in a relationship then he can do it to you too. Could you trust him? This is the question you need to ask yourself. He's had opportunity to break up with her and be with you.
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