A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.Firstly, thank you for reading, and secondly I hope you can help!So I’ll keep it as brief as possible. I’m a 27 year old lesbian and I have been back on the dating scene for about 6 months now, having previously been in a 3 year relationship that ended on bad terms. It’s taken a while to get back on my feet and to get over all the hurt etc. but I think it’s fair to say I am doing really well now. So I joined a dating site about 3 months ago! Time to get back in the game! I started messaging a few different people and it was going good. One girl in particular drew my attention, and we met and had a few dates. She was about 6 months out of a relationship that had “gone stale” so we were both on the same page. It seemed as though everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she went cold on me. The messages were few and far between. I called a halt to it because I was just getting the bad vibes, and the last thing I was going to allow was to be played as a fool. I said it to her and she agreed she just didn’t have the time to get into anything and that we could still be friends… I politely declined as I saw no point whatsoever. No hard feelings against the girl – it was just one of those things. I had a momentary sulk, and moved on!So move on a few weeks and I message another new girl. Again, the very same pattern. Things going good, lots in common etc. This time, she was 4 months out of an 8 year relationship – this did alarm me a little, but I took her word on it when she said they had realistically ended a few years ago, but just stayed together to avoid the hurt… She seemed as interested as I was to get to know each other better, and she was the one to lead with some very flirtatious messages. “Great” I thought, until she suddenly does a flip. Again, goes from all hot on Sunday to cold by Tuesday, saying she just wasn’t feeling it? I mean, I just understand. Someone who is messaging lots, asking about next date plans and being generally flirtatious doesn’t exactly send out the vibe of some “not feeling it”… Can anybody help clarify this for me?I’m at an utter loss as to what to think. I asked her what is was when she called to end things, and she said I reminded her of her ex… Is this an insult? I’m genuinely clueless. All I do know is, I’m starting to wonder if it’s something I am doing or saying. I’m not clingy or needy, so I can’t understand what it might be that causes this U-turn. Is there a pattern or have I just witnessed 2 similar scenarios by complete coincidence? I was completely dignified when she called and thanked her for her honesty, but I guess when I thought about it after our conversation I started asking myself questions. It’s too late to ask her now. Thanks for reading guys – I’m just feeling a little disheartened with it all and any advice would be really appreciated. Thank You x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 October 2014):
 Two bad experiences hardly can be called a pattern. I'd keep plugging along, these things take time. I think it's way too premature to be worried about yourself and have self-doubts.
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