A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Husband and i have been married for 4 years, sex is great everytime but we are still stuck with the missionary position.I can only climax with him on top of me.We have tried different positions but never reached orgasm with any.I have heard great things about women on top but everytime I'm on top of him it freaks me out and I can not go any further.What should we do to reach orgasm with different positions?Is it normal that we havent reached orgasm with other positions in 4 years?Are we really missing out or is it ok as long as sex is great even if it is the same position everytime?
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (17 August 2010):
Ummm . . . are you approaching your sex life like you're an olympic gymnast or figure skater, whose overall score is based on performance ratings in several different situations?
My wife and I, and - I strongly suspect - the vast majority of couples follow pretty much the same pattern when they have sex. (Probably 90% to 95% of the time we use the same sequence of 2 or 3 positions.) I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing if it's pleasurable, satisfying, and seems to work for you.
When we got married and started having sex (yes, in that order) we discovered that a lot of what we had learned about sex from our friends and our culture didn't match up with our experience. For instance, the prevailing belief is that sex is "supposed to" happen at night - but we preferred to have our main lovemaking in the morning. Quite a few people thought the "doggy" position was great, and I guess many still do. We use it from time to time - I like the view of her up-turned behind, looking quite a bit like a Valentine heart - but it's nothing great for us. If other couples think it's fantastic, they're free to enjoy it.
Now I WILL say that we usually start intercourse with my wife on top. She likes to lay out, full-length, on me like "person12345" described - but my wife puts her legs together, and between mine. It's not just an upside-down missionary, but also sort of inside-out. She can shift her thighs a bit to make everything touch exactly how she likes to feel it. And, it's the easiest way for her to reach climax.
Like "YouWish" asked, what "freaks you out" about being on top? Is it because your backside is sticking up a little and exposed? WHO IS WATCHING? (OK, we have a full-length closet mirror in the bedroom and I get turned-on seeing my wife's butt moving while we make love. If you're afraid your husband is going to see your behind, then move away from the mirror.)
Or is it because "proper" ladies are supposed to lay there and do their wifely duties while hubby gets his pleasure? My dear, the odds are about 50/50 that not even your grandmother was taught to think that way!
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (17 August 2010):
 There's a very good reason why missionary is the most commonly used position - it's actually the most likely to lead to mutual satisfaction. Nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 August 2010):
 I do on top with me stimulating my clitoris, missionary with my legs on his shoulders, and if he's comfortable with it Ive introduced vibrators during sex...It took me awhile to get comfortable being on top its like ur being put on the spot, but I slowly got comfortable with it..he guided me a lil with what he liked.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Oh hey! Don't sweat it! The missionary position offers excellent stimulation! Just keep being adventurous with sex, and you might find something else that stimulates that way! BUT - don't feel bad that you haven't found it yet!
However, why does you being on top freak you out? That's an interesting choice of words, and could speak to a few things that can hinder your sense of freedom and adventure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Yeah, I'm not such a huge fan of the "woman on top" position either. Call me lazy, but it's just hard to hold myself up for a long time! I like to start out sex on top sometimes, but not that often.
I wonder if you are climaxing from missionary because it is a position that allows his body to hit your clitoris as he moves back and forth. Can you orgasm from touching your clitoris? If so, then that is the key to your climax! (Like 70% of women!) If you touch yourself while you're in other positions, you could climax that way all the time. That's just one theory, though.
What other positions have you tried besides missionary and "woman on top"? You mentioned that it freaks you out to get on top. Do you feel shy? If you feel interested in trying other positions, you may want to look at some books about sexual positions and see if any look appealing.
Also, have you ever tried putting a pillow under your bottom for when you do missionary? It's basically that same position but that different tilt to your pelvis can feel very exciting! It also feels different and even more pleasurable sometimes.
And, you know, after all...if you are both satisfied with your sex life and don't feel like trying other stuff, then you're not "missing out". If the sex is great, the sex is great! No worries there!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Well just so long as you're both satisfied, there's no real problem. I would give girl on top a go though, since it's so much fun to take control like that! If you're nervous or have trouble moving properly, here's a way to do it that's super easy and feels natural (rather than awkward and perched like porn girl on top is). Get on up there. Then sort of lie down on him, legs outside his. Then you can use your legs, toes, and arms to move up and down. It gives great friction for you, feels great for him, and feels really intimate and close. It's basically upside-down missionary. But no, back to the original post, nothing's wrong with you. I can only orgasm from those two as well.
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