A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:if losing your virginity is a state of mind is it acceptable for a girl to want to ignor her first intercourse (being unpleasent one) and concider her self still a vigin untill willingly giving her self, (it only being her second time?)[Added from the same user]my girlfriend lost her Virginity to a guy she didnt even know, on her 17th b-day she had a few coronas and her friend told her to sleep in the guys bed because he had a crush on her, so she did, later on he commenced forplay and before she knew it he was getting ready to penetrate her, she asked him to stop but he didnt hear her she was a llitle tipsee and was confused (she had just been dumped) later on she went to the couch and cried all night (she didnt tell me this untill a year after we dated, she told me she was a virgin when we met i'm confused and dont know how i feel about this i need help???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008):
Well, somebody has to say it: This situation didn't fall out of the sky and land on her. She shouldn't have gotten into the bed of another guy at a party while she was totally drunk. She put herself in that situation.
But the sex itself still sounds like it wasn't a consensual thing on her part. It sounds to me like it was a sexual assault more than anything. It sounds like something she never wanted and she would love to forget now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): thank you all for your answers, this is somthing i felt i need to get off of my chest and see what your point of view was i feel much better we've been toghether now for 3 years and are happly getting married in FEB. thank you
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A
female
reader, babewithbrains  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 She is a virgin in the same respect as someone who uses tampons isn't a virgin - her hymen is partly broken thus she isnot a virgin - however, virginity of the mind can stay until you lose it willingly.Jellyxxx
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (29 July 2008):
 This girl was date raped and its an unpleasant experience that she just wanted to forget. She wanted her first time to be with you and to be special. Dont give her a hard time about this instead support her and help her by being there for her x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Give her a break...
if she told you its cause she thought you would be ready to hear what she had to confess...
if you nag her about it its just unfair..
so take her somewhere...
have fun...
make her feel special..
besides she gave herself to you willingly...
that other IDIOT...
abused her so...
ignore the situation...
focus on the future...
And care for her like theirs no tommorow...
she deserves at the most a day deticated to herself...3
Ps. your story is sad :'[
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I was sexually abused at the age of 5.
When I had my first intercourse that I chose at the age of 27, I considered myself a virgin. (Even though technically i wasn't).
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A
female
reader, Shade'sGirl +, writes (29 July 2008):
I think it is very important that giving your virginity to someone is a willing thing. Something so special should be given under the right state of mind.I think you lose your virginity when you willingly give your body to another person without the influence of alcohol or drugs or if the other person forces it upon you.If this was her only sexual experience then i feel that it is justified to say that in a situation now she would not repeat her actions if she were not under the influence.If she gives herself to another then it would be the first time she would be willingly and to someone that she cares about.Like rape as a first sexual encounter i believe firmly that the virginity cannot be taken without the full, clear minded willingness of both people involved and not just one.I hope my beliefs give you a little more peace of mind on the subject and you can take any help from it at all :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I think great replies below. In addition I would add that when you feel the need to go through what happened and how it is making you feel, you need to make sure you do it with someone independent of the whole situation.
Like the others have said, she deserves, and needs, unconditional acceptance about what happened and because of your relationship with her, you may not be able to give her that, no matter how hard you try. You are young and with your own inexperience in dealing with this kind of situation you are likely to harm your relationship and hurt your girlfriend further if you try to talk through how it has made you feel.
I would also avoid getting any more graphic details about what happened. No matter how tempting, do not ask anything about the event, what happened or who the people were who were responsible. All these things will just make it harder for you to deal with, you could be stuck with any images in your head for a long time to come. It can also harm your girlfriend to expose so much when she may not be ready.
Above anything, you need time to deal with your own thoughts about it all, and with time it will get easier and eventually it will all make sense.
But like I said, I do think you should find a counsellor, or someone with experience with this, because you need your own kind of trauma therapy to talk it through and your girlfriend is the last kind of person to provide that.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (29 July 2008):
 I think the reason why she kept this awful secret from you for a year is because she did not lose her virginity in a very romantic way. The poor girl was raped and she wanted to see if she could trust you before admitting what had happened to her.
Please be there for her to support her and offer to go to see a counsellor with her to help her get over this terrible experience.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (29 July 2008):
 What's the big issue? So somebody got your girl drunk and, for all practical purposes, raped her. That's not her fault. She felt used and ashamed (not an unusual reaction in rape victims, let me assure you) and wanted to hide the facts. Don't blame her for that.
This lady needs your understanding and support. There should never be a HINT that you hold this unfortunate (and vicious) incident in her past against her. It's over. Let her put it behind her and get on with her life. And you do the same thing. She has trusted you with the most important secret of her life. If you love her even a little bit, you owe her your loving acceptance and support.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 Poor girl. Whatever you do, don't give her a hard time about this, it sounds like she's suffering more enough from it already.
Technically she wasn't a virgin when you met. But 'technically' is pretty meaningless. You are the first man she has willingly given herself to, that is infinitely more important.
She deserves sympathy and understanding for what happened to her. This will be a test for you: to see if you can do that.
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