A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HeyI was referred to a CBT therapist over a few months ago and I have developed a crush on him.It's really awkward cause I find myself worrying about the stuff I am saying to him - incase he doesn't like me as a person, even though I know realistically that he is not supposed to have any opinion on me one way or another, something which he has said to me when I confessed something i was ashamed of and I asked what he thought.I was hoping it would go away. When I didn't have an appt for a couple of weeks it went off. Soon as I had my therapy session with him, I felt this butterfly feeling in my stomach afterwards and felt alive and confident. Then that night I actually dreamt I was kissing him!!I don't want to confess to him as I know it would be very awkward but I have read this is the only way to solve this issue. I am wondering if there is anyway I can continue to solve my self-esteem issues whilst remaining schtum about the fact that I'm attracted to him? Will therapy still work with this secret attraction to him?In no shape or form do I want anything to happen for the main reason the thought is always better than the actual doing something and plus it is very unethical on his part and would probably damage my self-esteem further.I don't want to change to another therapist as I feel I can relax with my therapist and I have told him a whole load of stuff about me that I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable telling another professional. I guess this is the reason I don't want to confess either, in case he feels so uncomfortable with it that he suggests a transfer to another professional.Help. what do i do?
View related questions:
crush, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): "I am wondering if there is anyway I can continue to solve my self-esteem issues whilst remaining schtum about the fact that I'm attracted to him? Will therapy still work with this secret attraction to him?"
The answer is no OP. I think you know that already. You can't exactly open up to someone completely when you have a crush on them because as you said you're worried about what he may think on a personal level.
Ask him to refer you to someone else and tell him the reason why, he'll understand and as a professional he will find someone more suitable. He should anyway, if he doesn't then that's a red flag, a proper therapist will know this can't work and will refer you to another.
Don't leave this too long either OP, do it in the next appointment, because even though logically you know nothing can happen your feelings won't play ball and they may well take over and cause you to do something stupid, like not telling him and remaining there only so you can woo him.
OP emotional attachment from either you or him means this cannot work. Ask him to refer you to someone else perhaps someone female or an old guy. Having low self esteem makes crushes with any kind of compassionate male figure in your life very easy to gain.
A
female
reader, ArtsyGirl  +, writes (12 June 2011):
Well you might not want to but the best thing to do is switch therapists. Yes, you will have to get used to them, but it's better then putting your current therapist in a tight spot, because you are right, it is unprofessional. It could even get him fired depending on his working rules.
So you'll have to suck it up and switch, or just hide your feelings from him. If you want a relationship from him you'll probably have to discontinue seeing him in therapy.
It's a tough spot your in, I hope all is figured out
Cheers!
...............................
|
