A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi.am in a LDR of nearly a year.We see each other every other weekend. i am still in the 'in ore' stage and cant my eyes off him etc, but he seems veey settled and it isnt reciprocated. don't get me wrong, he holds my hand, cuddles up on the sofa etc. but I don't feel the intensity from him of making the most of our time together and that longing I still have!short and sweet of it is this has led to a huge falling out, and me saying to him there is something missing from him in my view.We are Still in contact, and I have suggested we meet and discuss talk. He is resisting this, saying he would rather talk over the phone. This results in three weeks of nothing really, other than a bit of he saying he can't meet for a while and pushing talking on the phone, and me feeling it's another example of him not prioritising it and me left feeling he isn't that fussed.its a three hour journey a day I'm happy to meet half way...We both have kids but we have managed to see each other every other fortnight so I know we could manage to do this if he were willing, leaving me feeling that he isn't. ..am I being unreasonable? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 September 2015):
 Consider this from his perspective for a moment. He's already heard your complaints, now you want him to agree to meet with you in person so he can listen to them again?
The issue, as I understand it, is you think he's not as interested in you as you are in him, correct? Do you think he is going to become more interested in you after a boring, repetitive talk about your feelings and everything he's doing wrong?
Never mind the talk. You've already told him how you feel which is what led to the argument. You can't nag or guilt someone into wanting you. You have to inspire them by BEING the kind of person they want to be around.
Don't try to take short cuts here. If you want him to be more interested you have to BE more interesting. It's as simple as that.
Do fun things. Be laid back, be busy and not so available and predictable. Go out with other friends, pursue other interests.Always leave them wanting more.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 September 2015):
 On the surface it sounded like you overreacted and he's afraid of confrontations so he avoided you. Beneath it all, it could be unmatched expectations that led to unspoken resentment. This once a week meeting is not satisfying for you. You have to make sacrifices such as finding childcare and the driving. To make it worth while you want the time spent together to be always amazing. Most women want to get married or have blended families, not be strung along as an indefinite weekend girlfriend. You may be waiting for him to show more appreciation for you, to talk about long term plans while you are settling with this weekend routine. He's fine with the status quo, but as far as marriage goes, he can't be bothered. I was in a long distance relationship (similar distance as yours). That guy was stuck with his dad, would never afford a house, could not afford to shack up with a woman then break up because spousal support costs a lot. In my province, people are common law after 6 months of living together. That arrangement only lasted 7 months, and that's the time it took to make me realize that weekend travelling back and forth is all that he could do, probably for the rest of his life since dating is impossible in his tiny town.
When he says he can't meet for a while, it means the relationship has run its course and you are just beginning to see the futileness of it all. He's unwilling to drive 3 hours to meet if you keep on being upset of what he couldn't do for you.
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