A
male
age
41-50,
*inbad959
writes:OK, First I think its necessary to provide abit of a back ground to this question..... I've been good mates with this guy for about 5 years and we would do anything for each other whenever possible (That's what mates are for,right?) . He's 25 and got married 2 years ago at the age of 23 and his wife was 20, now 22. They moved to the country awhile ago for the cheaper rent because they are trying to have a kid, buy a house, settle down and so-forth. We are both into the same sports, computer games, TV shows, have the same job, sense of humour, both have partners, both are solitary people (so we only see each other probly once every 3 months, but when we do catch up, it's like we never had that gap......etc........) But, on years day he had a party (BBQ) at his house, in the country. There were about 10 of us there, and out of all the people there, the only people I get along with would be two of his other mates (We were all at the same table at his wedding) and him (His wife thinks I'm a bad influence because when we catch up, we get drunk, muck around fighting and so forth...... I think she feels left out or she's jealous of how we act around each other or she just doesn't like me for some other reason, or maybe not, I don't know. We seem to get along alright) Well, when everybody else went to bed, my mate and I were the only ones left standing and still drinking heavily. Don't know about him but I was blind, but my mind was still with it. He said "lets go for a walk", I thought it was because we were making to much noise in the house, so I said "Ok". He proceeded to take me to a park about 5 mins walk away, jumping over fences and rolling down hills, just being drunk louts. We stopped on a dark hill with trees all around, but we could still see by the moon light. While I was sitting on the hill (swaying) I looked over and he had his hand down his pants, feeling himself, while looking at me. So, I laid down and started to do the same. I asked him if he had done this before and he answered "a couple of times." After about a minute or two of this, he said "Ok, lets go back" and we did so. Not to speak of it again. There was an incident of someone going through my bag, sometime throughout the night or early morning and some of my things had gone missing. I know for a fact that I didn't take them out. The next morning, I asked his wife and him if they had seen anybody near my bag during the night, and they both said "no". I do believe them because I trust them and both of them have no need for anything that was in my bag. I've texted him a couple of times after this, inviting him out to various places that we would normally go to and drinks for my birthday, which he didn't answer to. Which was very unusual, cause we always remember each others birthdays. Until I sent a message saying " I understand what you are going through. But if we are still going to be mates, I would like for you to reply to my messages. You are my closest mate in melbourne and it would be a major shame to lose that friendship. Are we still mates? A YES or NO answer would be great. Cheers." A couple of days later he replied. Him: "Hmmmmm seems I fucked up here. For what its worth I am sorry because I only now realise that I forgot you were organizing drinks for your party today in the city, I could provide an excuse however its pointless. Better that I make it up to you with sexy fun times, I would offer 'at my expence' but we both know I am poor. However, it'll be good times, I promise. Again I am sorry about tonight but I hope you have a good time. Yes we are still friends, sorry I am so bad at making it seem that way with my lack of communication skills." Me: "Cheers for getting back bro, I was starting to get really pissed off. Give me a text when you want to catch up. If you want to catch up around your place, I am willing to ride up there, no prob. Just tell me where and when your free. Or if you are down melbourne way give me a call and I will meet you somewhere here 'at my expense'." Him : "Heya, What days do you normally get off? Or does it change each week. Let me know, I'll come into the city for a beer or some such nonsense." Obviously, I haven't spoken about this to ANYONE and he doesn't know about my experience with other guys. Does he just want a toss off session together, or more? Which I am willing to do. Have had it in the back of my mind for along time since we have been mates, even before he got married, but haven't really thought about it because he's married. But then other factors come into it such as my girlfriend (who I do love, and if everything goes well, can see us being together for the rest of our lives) and also he's wife. I don't want our friendship to be ruined or either of our relationships with our partners. What are your thoughts on this? Should I let this go ahead? Can we have a friends-with-benefits relationship? (completely secret of course) while still not ruining or hurting our partners or our relationships? So confused............Please help!! Cheers.....
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