A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible that a man who has been single for a long time and used porn as his main sexual release can become infactuated with porn women and think of them as being better than or above ordinary women. I ask because the man o have met seems to regard women in porn so highly and speaks about them in terms of how great they are both physically and as people , yet he never seems to have that same enthusiasm for me or other women . I’ve known him for year and he denies it’s true but he really does seem to idolise these women. Is this common and what does it mean for our relationship
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (31 May 2019):
 Wow lets idolise a porn queen thats had a terrible child hood with such a low self esteem that she does porn. O look shes in a gangbang with five men. Its ok shes taken pain killers for the anal shots. she takes cocaine.. No way. Come on is this guy 15.. Grow up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2019): I'll just give-it to you in a nutshell. Porn got there first! You're just getting there.
You've got all sorts of explosive-evidence before you; and warning sirens are going-off full-blast!!! Yet you are asking a totally irrelevant and unrelated question to your situation.
Here's the question: What do you see in HIM???
Here's an honest, deliberate, and studious suggestion...RUN FOR THE HILLS! He's a bad choice! Don't look back, or you'll turn into a pillar of salt!
Pardon my biblical-reference, it just seemed so appropriate!
I will advise you as it applies to the particular man of YOUR choice.
What other men do, let us be accountable and answer for our own individual actions and transgressions. Don't conclude that since the one you have is a certain-way; by assigning these less-desirable attributes to more men, will thereby justify your bad-choice(s). Sorry, but...NO WAY!
Kick him to the curb! You won't change him. Taking personal-offense and feeling bad about yourself, because of his tastes in women and appetite for porn, makes no sense. It didn't even sneak up on you, it hit you right in the face!
Girlfriend, seriously?!!
We men are as different and of singular-minds as women. You can categorize, departmentalize, or generalize...even stereotype. Suit yourself! It still comes down to choices. HE'S NOT THE ONE! If you want to know what other men do; date a few other men, and judge each for what HE does! Keep dating, until you find whom you want and need. Don't expect perfection, but don't settle for the extreme-opposite either!
It helps to have a homegrown healthy (self-maintained/self-sustaining) self-esteem; that doesn't require outside validation and appraisal from men (or other people) to start with. Even when it takes a hit, that kind of self-esteem self-repairs and regenerates itself!
Lets use some common-sense, and stop letting the foolish-heart do all the thinking.
You've listened to him sing high-praises over women who make their money being objectified and ogled at by total strangers in the dark. You always blame the men for watching porn, what about the females who use their bodies to make money that way??? What's the difference?!!
You have no more right to throw all men into the same heap about porn; than any man should expect you to keep your body together and not put-on extra weight! Most guys give-up porn for a healthy relationship; before it becomes an addiction. Porn appeals to so many tastes that it is a pervasive form of entertainment. It's subliminal psychological-influence on the mind can make it addictive, like drugs or alcohol. You'll want more and more. Men aren't the only people who watch it. Women watch it too!
It has established itself as a widespread and evolving form of visual entertainment, with mass-appeal. Habits with mass-appeal are usually bad for you. Like smoking, lying, cell phones, and having too many cats! it all puts a grin on the devil's face!
He's a bad-choice. Take a pass.
The key to making good-choices in men is knowing who he is, and what his values are; before attaching your feelings.
If you're a good-woman, you will make it your mission to attract better men; because you will be of a discerning and prudent nature. You know what you're worth, and what you deserve. You don't go into relationships with the intent to change somebody to be what you want him to be; just because YOU'VE decided he's the one you want. You don't dismiss his greatest faults and worst character-traits to be dealt with later. That's what you judge him by!
It's just common-sense, my dear! He put it all out there in-front of you; and you have a fight-or-flight instinct just like all the rest of us!
RUN!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2019): Is it possible? Absolutely! Especially for men who are prone to addiction or have obsessive personalities. Not all men who watch porn experience this. Some are able to realize that comparing porn stars to everyday women isn’t a fair comparison, especially in appearance, because most porn stars have had some type of work done, whether it be breast implants, breast lifts, buttocks implants, lip injections, or all of the above. On top of that, they’re wearing hair extensions, a lot of carefully applied makeup (including on their bodies), and the lighting and filters used while filming make them look even better, and make all the fakery not as obvious to the viewer. Men like the one you described need to realize that if you took any moderately pretty or cute girl and dolled her up with professional makeup, hair extensions, and performed plastic surgery on her, she’d look just as “hot” as a porn star. Personally, I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who can’t tell fiction and fantasy from reality. Your age bracket says you’re between 36-40. Is he your age or older? If so, I think it’s a safe bet he won’t grow out of it. So unless he has shown interest in overcoming his addiction, I wouldn’t date him if you were considering it. All he’ll do is lower your self esteem, because you’ll feel second best to porn. I’m a little confused as to what you mean by saying he idolizes them as people, though. I’m assuming he doesn’t know them, so how does he know what kind of people they are?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2019):
 Because for some fantasy is preferable to reality.
It's not so much that these women ARE better, but he WANTS to think they are because that makes HIM better too.
With the whole social media celebrities - think "Instagram models" - "Influences" like the Kardashians who are somehow seen as the "pinnacle of what is HOT even-though it's more or less ALL make believe and filters, photoshop etc. IS it really that strange that a guy like the man you describe think these porn stars are amazing beings?
A porn "STAR" is a character. Like Captain America, an IDEAL. (though through different view points) He is heoic, moral and fight for good - a porn "star" is "EVERY" (generalizing here) straight man's fantasy. Someone who is ALWAYS up for sex, ALWAYS in the mood, will ACCEPT any position, degradation, kink, etc. the MALE co"star" comes up with. And she doesn't have a head ache or a period, or had a shitty day at work. In other words SHE isn't REAL.
It is THAT character that your friend WANTS to see and thinks is real.
Why do you think someone as unattractive as Ron Jeremy made SUCH a big career in porn? Because HE made men who watched him, think that if THAT man could get all these hot chicks to have sex with him... so could they (the viewer).
It's an immature mindset, but nonetheless how some people sees life. Through the lens of escapism and fantasy.
What does it mean for YOUR relationship?
That you will ALWAYS have an "uphill battle" when it comes to this guy. You will NEVER quite measure up.
Do you REALLY want to date a guy who think pron is reality? Who see these woman as superior because they FAKE stuff in porn movies? Whose IDEAL woman is a "character" not a real woman?
Is it common? I think more common than we think. But mostly in younger men with little REAL experience with woman and relationships. I would venture a guess.
YOU have to decide if this is a deal breaker or not FOR YOU. Thinking you can change HOW he thinks... is unrealistic.
...............................
|
