A
male
age
41-50,
*reat or Good
writes:I have got my girlfriend over 4 times with guys on a compromising positions, when I ask her about these guys she says they are her friends only and nothing else. Okay my problem is I told her severals times that I personally don't believe on such a thing of two people with different sex to be friends.I think one might consider the other as a friend whereas the other is considering the other differently. Please helpdoes people of different sex be friends and it ends there and nothing else? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): As a guy, most of my friends are female.
To me this is less of a question of whether or not males/females can be just friends, and more a question of whether you trust your girlfriend. If you trust her then I don't see what the problem is. If you don't trust her then the problem is more a core "should I be in this relationship" issue than a "should she have male friends" issue.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 Yes they can. I have always had more guy friend then female friends, they are just easier to get along with. I have never had anything remotely romantic with any of my guy friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): I think it is possible for men and women to be nothing but platonic friends, however, this is hard for many men because, they look at almost all women as someone they could/would have sex with...women, not so much, most just don't think like that. I have had multiple male friends from childhood all the way into adulthood. I have a few male friends I have maintained friendships with for over 30 years that I am not remotely attracted to physically and another male friend that was a "friends with benefits" between relationships, after a divorce, but never was a line crossed when I was involved with someone or he was involved with someone.
It takes a mature person to be able to understand the difference. And it takes a responsible mature person to step away from the "friendship" if boundaries are beginning to be crossed or one feels attracted to the other. Healthy friendships involve their significant other and new friendships are formed....the problem lies when they are doing things alone/separate with the opposite sex friend and behaving innappropriately when they are with them....flirting, talking in a sexual manner, etc. That's just out of line.
You NEED to be friends first with someone you are interested in...the best and most long lasting relationships are built on friendship. You should always have your own friends and your own best friend, but your significant other should be the person who you can completely be yourself with, accepts you for you, will hang around for the rough patches.
It reads to me your girlfriend is not taking your concerns seriously. You do need to trust her, or really, you have nothing. However, having a frank discussion about what you find acceptable and what you find are crossing friend boundaries is something she needs to be clear about....if she is unable to respect this, maybe it's time to rethink where your relationship is going...she is fully aware of how men think and it's up to her to make it right and to not be putting herself in compromising positions, whatever they may be.
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A
male
reader, Great or Good +, writes (29 March 2012):
Great or Good is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay, thanks for your help. State of compromising it is not what I mind most. What are wanted to know most is about friends of different sex, as she alway tells me of her guy friend.
Thanks anyway
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 March 2012):
 I think there are very rare, and I mean RARE circumstances where men and women can truly be platonic friends, but I would be highly suspicious about hanging out with 4 guys in compromising positions.
There are boundaries in platonic friendships with guys as well.
The big thing is, exes or former love interests are disqualified from claiming platonic friend status. If she's spending time alone at a guy's house, neither of them are gay, or there is a long family history that makes him similar to a brother, then there should be huge red flags.
In the end, you can leave a relationship if you feel that boundaries are crossed that you're not comfortable with. It's a matter of compatibility.
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A
female
reader, itcantjustbeme +, writes (29 March 2012):
 I have plenty of guy friends where its really nothing more. There may even be some sexual joking, but its strictly poking fun. There has never been a time where I thought of such guys as more than friends or had they thought of me as such.
But I do wonder as well as therain... What were these compromising positions?
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