A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So...I've been at a new job for a year now and my manager wasn't around for the first half, he was travelling but ever since he returned we're constantly teasing each other, going out of our way to wind the other up and I was just taking as friendly banter to pass the day, we have a pretty boring job. Now my mother said there's no such thing. I didn't believe her but I spoke to other people who said 'Men don't see it as just flirting' Now I went on annual leave. Since I came back he's asked me to arrange a work night out (that he should be doing), making comments about my clothes and now going out his way to toy with my computer and stuff. Now he has a girlfriend. My mother thinks he wants something more but I don't, what do you all think?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 Hi,you do what you know is right and sincere, regardless of what he wants or does.Surely you wouldn't wish to hang out with this man, even if he is your manager and the fact that he has a partner already means that if you chose to be alone with him, this would not reflect well on both of you.Nothing good would come out of it.Place yourself in his gfs shoes for one minute.Would you like it, if your bf started going out alone with s female colleague?It's this simple.Your mother may well be right i say. From what you're saying here, it sounds a bit odd to me that he is doing the things he is doing.You msy assume, it's just harmless flirting, but as he already has a woman in his life, why should he flirt with you anyway?Whichever way you look at this, it is not right. If he wishes to engage in flirtatious or cheeky or overly friendly and overly caring conduct with one of his employees, you have to be somewhat suspicious.If he is trying to send you the wrong signal and may i say, intentionally, or crosses the line with you, then you must put a stop to it.If he asks you out after work hours and without anybody else present, say no and stick to that.Make it very clear, that you don't go out alone with your boss, especially when he's already taken.It's up to you to remain the professional that you are and it's up to you, to show him what type of woman you are. A considerate and respectful one.All the best and let me know how you get on.
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (27 August 2015):
Hi,you do what you know is right and sincere, regardless of what he wants or does.Surely you wouldn't wish to hang out with this man, even if he is your manager and the fact that he has a partner already means that if you chose to be alone with him, this would not reflect well on both of you.Nothing good would come out of it.Place yourself in his gfs shoes for one minute.Would you like it, if your bf started going out alone with s female colleague?It's this simple.Your mother may well be right i say. From what you're saying here, it sounds a bit odd to me that he is doing the things he is doing.You msy assume, it's just harmless flirting, but as he already has a woman in his life, why should he flirt with you anyway?Whichever way you look at this, it is not right. If he wishes to engage in flirtatious or cheeky or overly friendly and overly caring conduct with one of his employees, you have to be somewhat suspicious.If he is trying to send you the wrong signal and may i say, intentionally, or crosses the line with you, then you must put a stop to it.If he asks you out after work hours and without anybody else present, say no and stick to that.Make it very clear, that you don't go out alone with your boss, especially when he's already taken.It's up to you to remain the professional that you are and it's up to you, to show him what type of woman you are. A considerate and respectful one.All the best and let me know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, autumnsand +, writes (27 August 2015):
 I think men can enjoy teasing and joking around with women, without necessarily wanting anything more. But both men and women can want more with someone regardless of whether they already have a partner.You say he now has a girlfriend, and that you do not want anything more than what you currently have with him. I think the fact that you are questioning his intentions shows that you are worried about this situation.I think this really comes down to you. Regardless of what other people have said, how do you feel about the current situation with him? Do you feel that things are harmless and fine? Or are you concerned? Do you feel that you are doing something wrong?If you are worried that the situation may be inappropriate in any way, or suspect that he may want more, then I think it might be worth thinking of ways you can take a step back. I don't know if it is possible to spend more time away from him where you work? If not, perhaps some of the banter and teasing needs to stop. I realise this might be hard to do though, since you have gotten into a certain way of communicating with each other, and that things may seem awkward at first.But really, if you suspect, or are worried, that he may be interested in more, then I think the sooner you can take a step back or make it clear to him that you are simply being friendly, perhaps by telling him your concerns, the better. Like I said before, this may be difficult. But in the long run it will be less difficult than the worry of wondering whether you are doing wrong, the stress of trying to guess his intentions, and the potential risk that he may take the friendliness the wrong way and get the wrong idea. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2015):
 Does it matter what he wants?
If all YOU want is friendship (and rightly so) then stick to being platonic, polite and professional.
I'd say I have had quite a few male colleges I had a lot of banter and fun with during the work day (while still doing my job mind you) and one was married, one had a serious GF and one was single) but no one crossed any lines.
SET some boundaries.
Don't go out for drink with him alone, if the rest of your co-workers are there or the GF comes along no biggies, but going alone with him? It can be a little iffy.
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