A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a new man in my life, we get on great, have lots in common, laugh together, share similar interests and outlooks.. he is caring, thoughtful, positive, funny, clever, nearly everything I could hope for. I feel very comfortable around him, enjoy being affectionate towards him and nearly always enjoy his company (although recently we may have been spending a little bit too much time together!)Physically he is an amazing kisser and a very sensual lover. He seems to know how touch me exactly right and yet is open minded to new things in bed too. I like the way he smells. :)The only thing is... I don't find him handsome or all that sexy to look at. I don't look at him and get that heady lusty feeling. He's not ugly by any means, he's kind of attractive in his own way but just not as masculine looking as I typically am attracted to. Is it possible that with time I may find him more good looking or that these things wont matter?I'm concerned that I allow this relationship to continue but then I meet someone I'm strongly physically attracted to....Then again all my previous relationships with men I've been strongly physically attracted to have been disastrous. Usually because these 'good looking' men have all been emotionally unavailable.Is it possible to have both strong lust and strong compatibility? Or does one person always love the other more?Touching on many questions here, but would appreciate any views.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks for all the responses, some more helpful than others...I suppose this is something that I am just going to have to figure out myself with a little bit of time. I really don't want to hurt this lovely person and I do think he's in it deeper than I am. He's mentioned marriage and kids already, and I can tell by the way he just sort of stares at me sometimes that he's way more attracted to me than I am to him. Which makes me feel bad. My dilemma is whether to stay with him longer and see if attraction can grow for me. I'm concerned that unethical though.To the tactful respondent who wondered what more I could possibly want? Well, I want more than friendship from my potential life partner! I certainly dont want Brad Pitt but I would like a man who has that certain 'je ne sais quoi' that makes me slightly weak at the knees. He doesn't have to be 'perfect' but I do have a preference for big ugly very masculine types, probably because I am a tall athletic and strong woman - I'm maybe a bit old fashioned but I enjoy the feeling that my man could pick me up/protect me from danger/over power me. This guy I'm seeing is as tall as I am, and strong from his work but rather slim and not particularly masculine. My rational head says these things shouldn't matter in chosing a life partner when I've found someone that I get along with so well but then my head is turned in the street by some man who is more of my usual type... then I feel bad for being attracted to someone else - and not having that same lusty feeling for him :( I really want to be attracted to him, and it's true the sex between us is technically great but I just don't feel that 'spark'. For the last commenter that suggested if I wasn't attracted to him initially then I never will? I know from fairly recent experience that it not always the case. When I first met my ex he made no impression on me till the third meeting when we got together and it always bugged him that I didn't even recall our first meeting. So I know feelings can develop, but I'm not sure if it's going to happen here so I suppose my question should be re-posed to ask, can you have a relationship with someone you don't strongly fancy (but do get on with and enjoy nice physical relationship with?)Thanks again for sharing your views Uncles and Aunts!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): If you weren't attracted to him the first time you saw him, you never will be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): Love and deep friendship lasts longer than lust. Lust is temporary and looks fade.
Be happy and blessed that you have a great guy. Love and respect and laughter always wins for me over lust.
Enjoy what you have and stop thinking that someone better will come along, which may never happen. Looks aint everything as you have pointed out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011):
Do this guy a favor and leave him. Seriously.
You are clearly self-absorbed. What if he's thinking the same thoughts about you? You say he's wonderful, a good lover, and attractive? What the hell do you want? Brad Pitt? And if brad Pitt comes calling you would consider dumping this guy?
You don't know what love is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): You will never find perfection, just perfect for you.
a)He may not find you as attractive as his Exs, he may think your compatablity is enough but still tries his upmost to please you in bed.
b)If you think your seeing him too much then make other plans and ease off but explain why - that you need some me time.
c)Many women I know end up with a man who was never their type and are extremely glad of it - their 'type' never lasted
I would enjoy this relationship, he sounds amazing and you may regret more, letting him go, before at least giving him a chance.
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A
male
reader, aebniala  +, writes (6 September 2011):
I read what you wrote and the answer is right there.
If you are still looking for the perfect man, when you do, he mite think that you are not the perfect woman for him.
You have ,your hands on a diamond and you want to look for a pearl. I dont understand you.
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