A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:can being friends with ex's really work? or are they wanting you to stay in their lives so one day they can come back? i am so inexperienced, my bf broke up with me about 2months ago. we have been together for well over 4 years. we were best friends and first loves. he desperately wants to be friends with me. i know he still cares for me and he sed he will always love me inside but he sed he needs to find himself and what he wants in the future. we broke up due to stress and always arguing. he sed the special something isnt there anymore but i will always be special to him... it wasnt a bad break up at all, just extremely sad that it came to an end. im in my final year and have no time for a bf but deep down i do want to try again one day... dont know if it will ever happen tho cos i dont know if thats what he wants. he still gets upset and so do i about what happened. i still love him and i am doubtful about being friends due to my feelings. i dont want to get hurt. but then again i really want to be friends with him as he was my life for so long... i have kept myself busy and been out and met new friends so i am slowly moving on. i dont know why he wants to be friends so bad wen he broke up with me? i dont understand! my head is so messed up and im so confused. what does friends with ex's involve? do we hang out and meet up? or just catch up on email? or are we going to be more like acquaintances?thank u so much for any help. im just confused about what to do...xxxxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): thank u for replying! =)
i definately dont want FWB. that would hurt me even more! i dont know, i just want to be friends with him because as well as lovers we were friends too. its just a shame to throw it all away...
i gave his stuff back to him recently. we then exchanged letters. his basically sed the same as the reason we broke up but he really wants to keep in touch. after exchanging the letters he got annoyed with me wen i was trying to put closure on the relationship. he got emotional and found it difficult to do the whole face to face thing. he apologised in an email as i just walked out and went home. think he realised that i wasnt coming back as i normally would turn round and run back to him! he also apologised for not being in touch over the last couple of months due to finding himself... i emailed back and sed its fine i just wanted to make sure there was no unresolved issues before i close the door on this chapter. i also told him i would hate it if we were to become strangers but he knows why i have reservations about friends. but ill always be there for him etc...
he wont reply to this. i know wot he's like! so im just going to do the whole no contact thing until im well and truely over it... do u think this is a good idea? not contact him unless he gets in contact with me?
i do believe in fate but its just annoying i dont know wot the future holds for me and my ex so i dont know whether its worth fighting for him or to be friends or to not be either.
xxxx
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Of the three ex-serious b/fs I had (yikes I did not realize I had that many! LOL) .. I only stay in touch with one. Over emails, only on important events in my life. Initially, it was very very hard, despite the amicable breakup. We were simply being pragmatic then. One breakup was very sudden and very very painful, so did not stay in touch. One most recent one, we are "talking" again, but not we are not together (in our case, he was verbally abusive to me). I agreed to talk to him only because he is showing remorse and is trying his hardest to resolve pst issues.
So, your reason to "stay friends" with him is...what? FWB? I hear it does not work. I personally do not believe in FWB :-(
You are meeting new friends, and will continue to do so. Like you said, he has been in your life for a long time, so it is natural that you still think about him ... old habits die hard, remember? It is probably the same with him. But if he was the one that wanted the breakup, then it sounds like he is regretting his decision.
Yes, emails and text messages are fine, just don't do it too often. Perhaps once a week, or every other week. No need to keep him updated on what you have been up to, keep it general. Finish your education, then get a good job and have a good career. If you feel strongly about each other still, you will connect again, I am sure. Older and wiser too. Otherwise, you will always remember him and be able to look back and smile how your first love was beautiful.
Time to hit the books again and make your place in the world ... and help make it a better place for all of us!
Cat
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (28 February 2009):
 What do you want from this? It's not written in stone that you have to meet for coffee on the second Sunday of every month, just do what feels right for you, if he has hurt you by breaking up with him, don't be friends with him.
If you still love him, be careful as FWB doesn't work with exs, and if you are likely to get hurt when he tells you he has a new girlfriend.
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