A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i am confused.My ex and I started a long distance relationship 10 months ago and we only meet each other every 1 or 2 months. we never know each other before that, hence we skipped the friendship part and got into relationship very quickly as we fall in love with each other at first sight.My ex and I broke up 1 month ago after we had a big fight over the same issue i.e. i said something that irritated him because of my jealousy or i wanted more attention from him and he does not have time for me. we have been quarreling over the same issue again and again. we broke up 2 times but we got back together and decided to give it a try. until 1 month ago, my ex said he wants to break up because we're totally incompatible as we have been arguing over the same issue for the past 10 months. Both of us dont understand each other's needs.I really think it's premature to make such a decision as now i am back for good and we no longer long distance. i really hope that he could give us a chance to try to overcome our incompatibility with better communication and understanding. Long distance and time are our barriers, but now long distance is no longer a barrier.He said our feelings have faded and he no longer loves me. The main reason of our break up is incompatibility. he wants to be single for the time being as he has been very busy with his work. Last week, we met up for the first time after our break up. i gave him a photo book which comprised of our happy memories. he was touched and cried very badly after seeing it. he said if only i could wait a bit longer and if only i could be more understanding.... he said he loved me so much and each time we quarreled, he was very hurt and pained... he said he cannot take it anymore, he doesn't want to get hurt anymore... i failed to convince him to get back into relationship with me.Although he doesn't love me anymore, he said he still like to maintain a friendship with me. He continues to text me everyday to say good night and good morning, and will reply me when i texted him. Last night, we met up for the second time. i tried to hold his hand in the beginning but he rejected me and said we're just friend. during the dinner, we talked again and i failed to convince him back again. after the dinner, i asked him whether i can hold his hand. he held my hand tight and walked me to the car like a couple. he continued to hold my hand tight in the car until we reached my house. he then gave me a hug in front of my house. Subsequently he continues to text me good night and good morning like usual.My question is can i still win him back after he said we're over and he does not love me anymore? For your information, he's a stubborn type of person and his self-defense mechanism is very strong. he'll back off the moment he senses something wrong. he said he has completely shut his door for me and asked me to move on to find another better guy who can give me what i want.I really love him and hope to get back together with me.Please advise.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your reply.Can i continue to be his friend with the hope of winning him back?We have been long distance for some time, and im afraid that if i cut contact from him now, his feeling to me will eventually be gone forever and he will move on.I am back for good now. i really hope that i can do something to gain his trust back into our relationship again. I know he's very busy and stressed with his work lately. Perhaps i can continue to give him support and encouragement at this time to touch his heart once more?or is it possible that if we continue to be friend, we can build our feelings again? it is really pain to let go someone that you love so much :(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your reply.Can i continue to be his friend with the hope of winning him back?We have been long distance for some time, and im afraid that if i cut contact from him now, his feeling to me will eventually be gone forever and he will move on.I am back for good now. i really hope that i can do something to gain his trust back into our relationship again. I know he's very busy and stressed with his work lately. Perhaps i can continue to give him support and encouragement at this time to touch his heart once more?or is it possible that if we continue to be friend, we can build our feelings again? it is really pain to let go someone that you love so much :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): hi, thanks for your reply.can i continue to be his friend with the hope to win him back? i know he's been very busy and stressed with his work lately. So if i continue to give him support and encouragement, perhaps he'll be touched by me? in the mean time, maybe we can build up our feelings again by hanging out together? fyi, our feelings have been faded due to long distance. Now i am back for good, i really hope that i can do something to win his heart back. i am afraid that if i cut contact from him, our feelings will eventually gone forever and he will move on. :(
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Hello, It sounds pretty definite to me that he has shut you out of his life. He has said this. One chance you could take is to "go missing" for a while and see if tries to contact or find you. While you are always around and hoping he will back off as he has things on a plate. He can have you whenever he wants. So...become distant, take him for his word that he wants out and just go no contact. See if you can get him to re-evaluate things whilst thinking he has lost you. It's a chance but the only thing I could suggest. Hope it works for you.
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