A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright.. I'm not sure what I should do... I like this guy, he likes me. He's separated from his wife and they're getting a divorce, he has a kid. I don't know if I should let the relationship happen. I know him through a cousin I'm close to. She's really protective of me and never would want me hurt me. She's like best friends with the guy and trusts him. What should I do? We have kinda been fooling around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I probly won't get any more involved than we already are. I really don't want to be the step mom, I'm honestly thinking of the kid. If I stay out of the picture they might get back together. At least I should wait and see what happens with them and aswell as me and my life especially considering he's 23 and I'm 17(almost 18).
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (25 April 2011):
Everyone comes with some sort of baggage, but he comes with quite a bit, especially since you are still pretty young to be dating someone already divorced with a child. Before you start dating him, think seriously about how you will handle being around his kid, possibly taking on a step-mom role, having his ex-wife in the picture, being 2nd in his life (because he has a child who has to be 1st), having him spend a fair bit of his money on child support, etc etc. I know some people who have dated people with a child and who are divorced, and they have said that although they love their partner, they would not recommend it, and in a way they regret it.
So before you get involved, think it through carefully. If you feel that you can't handle it, or it would be too difficult, then stop now before you get too deep.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): I wouldn't. At least not right now. He needs time to be alone. Let his child get used to having his/her parents separated. You're going to be a rebound. Not saying he would do it on purpose, but you would be a rebound. And if you get into a long relationship where you started out as a rebound it will most likely lead to a bad relationship. So, for now, maybe a few months, just stay distant friends. Let him get his life in order and be ready for another relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 I'm sorry, I wrote that he was older than you, but noticed later that you didn't mention his age. It was a simple assumption since if he was your age and divorced that would ring alarm bells (gets married young and divorces young signals that he jumps into things fast without being sure of what he wants). He could still be a great guy, don't get me wrong. But he might not be the guy for you, as he probably is at a different stage in his life. If you however feel like you are compatible, and you are comfortable with the circumstances and their implications, then go ahead.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 April 2011):
Do you want to be with a divorced man who is older than you and become a step-mom to his kid? If you want a family of your own, do you want to be his second wife, and have your children have a half-sibling? If you have nothing against this then go ahead. However if that is not the type of relationship/future you want you need to back away now and simply tell him that while he is a lovely man, he is not what you are looking for. Realize that while he is getting a divorce, his ex wife will always be in his life since they have a child together, and that child will always come first. Some young ladies act more adult than they need to, if you are one of those who are interested in going straight into a very serious relationship with a child on top, then go ahead. If you are still in the process of figuring out what you want in life, then stay clear, as this man needs a serious relationship, long lasting, that demands a lot, and will need you to be grown up pretty fast. It could be too much to handle for someone who is young and not ready to settle down just yet.
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