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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a male friend who confessed to liking me around five years ago, at which point the feeling was not mutual. Last year I split up with my partner and met my male friend who I'd not seen in a long time. I realised how much I liked him and told him this. He has now split with his partner of 7 years.He is a genuinly lovely person but I have trust issues from my own past, plus he more or less acted single when with his ex partner which he has told me about. This plays on my mind as I wonder if he would treat me that way? We were on a night out and he bought a random female a drink at the bar after chatting to her for ages (he came back and told me he had done this almost as if it was completely normal) and I felt very jealous but did not react as I wanted to see how he acted naturally.I have now told him I was unhappy about this and he is very embarrassed/shocked at himself as he say's he cannot remember doing this (due to being drunk). I know he likes me a lot but I have told him if he wants to behave like this, to be single, I would understand and accept that. He maintains he doens't wanna be single but I'm scared to trust him. He lives far away from me so I have no idea how he acts behind my back and I don't want to be a jealous girlfriend. He really means a lot to me and knows about my past relationships, my trust was completely destroyed. He says he's scared to tell me how deep his feelings are for me incase he scares me away and Im worried he will get tired of me not opening up my feelings to him, or always having these doubts. I just wonder if knowing him for such a long time (10 years) means he will treat me with respect because I have heard all the aplogies and lies before (in past relationships) and it all sounds the same to me.I don't wanna mess up by not trusting him but also I am scared incase he is acting the single guy in my absense? Please help.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (25 January 2006):
 You have a difficult balancing act to perform here, between protecting yourself from being hurt but not protecting yourself so much that you end up hurt anyway. I think you definatly did the right thing telling him about this and how you are feeling. There is nothing worse than letting feelings like this fester.
If he is fully aware of your feelings and your past one would hope he is sympathetic and understanding and will work hard to build a strong bond of trust between you. Indeed, if that is how he feels he should put that work in. Make sure that he does and from there follow your instincts but only let your guard down at a pace that feels right to you. As I have said, if his heart is true he wont mind putting that work into your relationship and hopefully in time you will grow to trust him and the relationship will blossom.
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