A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Often times we are advised not to judge our boyfriends based on his past... But I wonder, isn't it important to have a general idea of his past relationships and how he has handled them? Wouldn't having this insight give me an idea of his character and personality?An example would be my current LDR boyfriend. We are close, we get along well.. however... out of the previous 4 girlfriend's he's had:#1 : First love, puppy love.. Broke up cuz she moved.#2 : He cheated on her with her best friend. Cuz the rush and sex was good. She found out, forgave him, but he still broke up with her in the end because he didn't feel the same way for her anymore.#3 : He knew he had no future with this girl.. Both families hate each other. But it was convenient, she was hot and available. They never admitted to dating but he knew she wanted to be a couple so bad.. he was with her again, for the sex.#4 : They had been dating for over 2 yrs and he was online flirting with 5 other girls seeing who he can get together with. He told his girlfriend that he only chats to them, nothing more. He even let his girlfriend talk to us online girls. But behind her back he would sweet talk each of us. He decided to pick me out of all the other online girls. Told me how him and his girlfriend always argue and are breaking up and all the things she did behind his back, hooking up with other men. I believed him at the time.. Now fast forward two years of being together with him as a couple, I realized all he told me about his ex hooking up is false. She's not that type of girl. He made it up to get me to feel bad for him and be with him.If he was capable if doing all that to those previous girlfriends... I know he's capable of doing that to me... So far, he appears faithful. He tells me every thing he's doing and where he is. I'm always around and his family and friends all know that we are a solid couple. We bicker here and there but nothing major. However something in the back of my mind keeps reminding me I shouldn't fully trust this guy, maybe I shouldn't even be with him.... Your advice?Thanks in advance and Happy Holidays!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 December 2015):
 So you met him online and as side flirting partner?
Have you ever actually been with this person in the same room in real life?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 December 2015):
 Guys love it when they can get a girl to put out for them with absolutely no "conditions"..... Like, being in love, or believing that their intimacies are the beginning of a life together.
Your boy hasn't shown himself to have much (any?) interest in the things that would indicate that he is interested in you for the "long haul".... Why wait and get your heart broken later? Dump him now....
His resume sucks.... would you hire him if you were an employer and he had this past?????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): All past indicators shows that he is a player.He lies, covers up and does and says anything to get them in bed and then he dumps them after he has used them.I wouldn't invest anymore of my time in this guy.I totally agree that one should check out a boyfriends past and even snoop. One really needs to know what type of person one is dating. There are so many sleazy men out there.I have run background checks on guys. I've looked around in their place to find out about past relationships. I've hit the jackpot on one guy. He had all his ex-girlfriends in separate files, what they did together, etc.He would make up lies right to my face about things if I asked about his past. He would also lie about even day to day things. I had a chronic liar on my hands, let alone other creepy things I discovered.With your boyfriends past, I would always be wondering if he is crossing the line or what does he have up his sleeve now.I couldn't live like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): I would not trust him. Thats me personally. I would not move in with him. His past is too seedy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2015):
So with your update, OP - do you really see yourself WITH him long term?
Do you think he will want to be with you to please his parents, but then NOT be faithful to you?
It seems like you have a lot of thinking to do. And then you have to consider what YOU want out of life and a partner. Can he really fulfill you and your needs??
Yo mention that you have a good job, how about him? Does he work? Does he have a career? Is he goal oriented?
Do you two share common values? Goals? hopes and dreams?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): We SHOULD all be judged for our relationship history.
Having total freedom to do what we want without taking responsibility for it later is a lot of fun. But its not good for us.
This should be common sense. It once was. It will be again eventually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): Maybe he has realised his past "mistakes" and is now genuily trying his best but if it's in his nature to act like that with girls, I believe he might do it again.
Be careful8
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): I'm the OP here -We are supposed to move in together this upcoming year... but I'm still considering.I've put a lot if thought into this guy and his actions and personality. I think he is used to getting his way and will go to any lengths to get what he wants, to make himself happy. He's selfish. I doubt he has truly 100% been in love with anyone... other than himself. I can't and will not do any of the things he's done to any of my exes because at some point, I had truly loved them. Is it possible for him to mature and at some point truly LOVE someone?I know for sure he is no longer talking to the other 4 online girls, because we know each other and they would have told me. I also know why he picked me. I was easy to manipulate, we speak the same language and have the same culture. I'm the good girl type. He knew once he brought me home, his parents will be very pleased. Indeed they are and is rushing us to get married. I make good money. I don't drink, smoke or party. I cook and he can't stop eating. My house is clean. I have all the qualifications his PARENTS are looking for. But does he love ME? It seems like he likes me a lot.. But he definitely doesn't love me more than he loves himself. Based on his personality, he likes girls who can dance and party, girls who can drink, girls who can put on a load of make up and wear mini skirts, girls who are good at sex. I'm none of those and wouldn't want to be.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2015):
How can you know for sure that he dropped the other 4 girls he "chatted" with online? It wouldn't be to hard for him to hide them from you as he did his GF. You two are LDR. Or he could have replaced them with other girls.
He cheated on his GF with you and 4 other girls, so all I can think is.... WHY on Earth do you think that you have something so special that he stopped all together? His track records stinks. He cheated on his GF with you, HE will do the same to you at some point.
And then there is the "woe is me lying" he told you all these stories (negative ones) about his GF because he KNEW that might sway you to cheat with him, and guess what? it worked! And now that you have him, you have come to realize that HEY this guy may be full of crap.
LDRs are hard enough as it is. Having one where the trust was always a bt iffy, even harder.
Are thee any plan to becomes NON-LDR? To move closer to each other?
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