A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles.I am in a LDR of a year. We have had some ups and downs, but love each other and see each other every other weekend for its entirety and speak/text loads.I found out his ex has been in contact with him. She broke up with him about two months before we got together, and he was quite a mess about it I am told by his friends.I noticed by accident that he had unblocked her from facebook, and therefore looked through his phone as I didn't believe him when I asked if she had contacted him.I found messages from her to him and have since found he has messaged her back. There have been a few from her which indicate feelings I think, and he hasn't reciprocated this, rather just keep it light.He said to his friends he doesn't want her back, and I saw he put this on a message to a friend too when he discussed via text that she had contacted him.We have discussed it, and he has said he didn't want it to become something big, which is why he didn't tell me. His friends said the same to me, saying he had asked initially if he should tell me to them.Thing is, there has been more contact than he let on even, and I don't know why he's done it, and he wont talk about it further now saying its unimportant and done with. He knows I can be insecure. Obviously thus has made it worse.Should I trust him? I wonder if it is because he was dumped by her and its maybe a pride thing of showing her he is fine and moved on? There really isn't anything in the messages to her that indicate anything feelings wise etc- more polite replies than anything.He now keeps his phone close! Which is due to me looking I know! So,I wouldn't have a clue now if it continues.What do people think please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2015): Original poster again here- he also says he wouldn't want to know if an ex contacted me, hr feels I would deal with it and trusts me to do so, this,conversation was before this latest event
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2015): Hi- thanks for the answer. I'm the original poster.He initally said he was sorry and that his motives of not telling me were due to how I react to such things (I do blow up and ask a lot of questions about his exs...) and he,said it would become the same. His,friend said he asked if he should tell me when she first contacted him due to how I react. We have agreed he will deal with it if she contacts further, and again k know you don't agree with me talking to his friend, but it has helped me see his motives aren't about wanting anything with her- his friend is very clear about that, and said that really he is being polite more than anything, and he maintains to his friend he states his future is with me - what do you think? I know he struggles with how I am at times and feels I don't trust him, which I know this actually confirms as I looked at his phone, talked to his friend and he's lied!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2015):
 Have you asking WHY he has decided to being contact again? Because I think he OWES you an explanation. It's easy enough to say - "OH she reached out to him".. He didn't HAVE to be civil or to continue talking to her. He could have cut her off and told her he had moved on, and wasn't/isn't interested in contact. BUT he didn't.
I don't think snooping is ever a smart idea, neither is involving his friends. This is between YOU and HIM.
I would also tell him that IT IS becoming something big BECAUSE he chose to not tell you - to not be honest with you. Because YOU have started to doubt that he trusts you and that you can trust him. I don't think as a GF/Wife you have the right to dictate whom your partner can talk to, be friends with etc. but there HAS to be a degree of openness and honesty about it.
For him to SHUT down the subject with a :" he wont talk about it further now saying its unimportant and done with." It's obviously not done with. I think him dismissing it, is him dismissing you.
I would also point out to him how HE would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, and YOU started being in touch and communication with an ex behind HIS back. Would he be OK with that?
This isn't just about your insecurities, to me it's a bit more about respect for ones partner and relationship - yes he can talk to her, but doing it behind your back? That is shady.
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