A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and although this happened a year ago it still plays on my mind.he was thinking of starting a speed dating business and in the end didnt go through with it but it was something that he offered me to come in on him with. Anyway he went speed dating last january and didnt tell me about it, i found his speedating name tag and number which also happened to be his lucky number! confronted him about it something along the lines of 'oh have you ever been speedating' to which he replied no i replied well you obviously had!I then later found emails from 2 women he had met there talking about meeting up for a drink etc- now why would he think this is right if he is dating me? speed dating is for single people!not only this but he has a thing for old women porn (another story!) and both of these women were middleaged. to my knowledge he has never met up with them and recently i sent an email disguised as this woman asking to meet up which he has so far ignored.Since then he locks his computer, always turns it off if he leaves the room.Alongside this if also found he was looking at local escort pages in his area- we are both at uni and live together in term time but there are still 4-5 months of every year where i cant keep an eye on him.can i really trust him when he is so secretive and a liar? bearing in mind this is only one of a few trust issues all due to his behaviour
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 First of, you are not his mother. You shouldn't feel like you have to keep an eye on him. He obviously isn't regarding your relationship the same way you do.
No I don't think you can trust him. You don't trust him at all ( with good reason) so you snooped and found stuff you didn't like. That is what happens when you snoop. You already knew something was up, your gut instinct most likely told you.
If the two of you can not talk to each other, set boundaries and be honest, you have no real reason to be together. Obviously you "accept" ( in his eyes) his behavior but not either ending it or having it out. Having a good talk doesn't equate a fight. It's not about bringing up old crap but talk about everything.
To be frank I would end it and move on. I don't see this guy ever be faithful. He seems to think it's ok to do what he does.
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