A
female
age
30-35,
*at_89
writes:can i stop this before it gets tooo deep???? i have recently been back in touch with my uncle after my great grandmother died... he recently told me he has feelings for me he knows its worng we both do but for some reason it feels so right its hard for us because he lives in a different country and he has a wife an 2 kids one dvery close to my age but it doesnt seem to effect him as much as me an he has alot more too losse if it all comes out my um warned me from him but i said she was being stupid we havent had sex yet but we have been close too it what i would like to know is should i have sex with him???? am 21 an he is 44 i just dont know what to do or how to stop it if i want too???
View related questions:
grandmother Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): I've seen this situation before, and the uncle left his wife and kids for his niece, they grew up in poverty (his kids and ex-wife), while his niece and he had a nice life and a "new family".
You don't say which culture you are from, or what countries the families live in.
But, really, if you want to have sex with a guy, don't pick your uncle. Pick a younger man who you can learn with and grow with and not be a "child" to the "man" but an equal.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): The previous responder is a bit off base, if you ask me. If all of this just recently happened as you described, then we are dealing with two adults who are related. All the assumptions about the uncle and whether he has sexually abused his children is ridiculous. Older men (he's 44) have been attracted to and engaged in relationships with younger women (she's 21) for eons! The real issue here is the family relationship. He's your uncle; your mother or father's brother. The simple answer to your question is, NO! You should NOT have sex with him. And, since he lives in another country from you, you also should not visit him and if he comes to visit your family, you should not be alone with him in any situations. Clearly, you both are experiencing feelings of temptation. Do not do things that would make it easy for you to give in to those temptations in moments of weakness.
Finally, I agree with the previous responder who said you don't want to regret your decisions 5, 10, 20 or 30 years down the line. Just like you would not want to regret having sex with your uncle, you also don't want to regret breaking up his family and causing great strife in yours. The life your uncle leads with his wife and children is his business. Leave it that way. If all he did was express an attraction for you, which you admit is mutual, nothing out of the ordinary has happened. The man is human. Attractions happen. His ability to not act on that attraction will say a lot about his commitment to the vows he took with his wife, your aunt. I say, stay away from him and stay out of his personal affairs. Now, if he makes advances on you against your wishes, that's another story.....
...............................
A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 No, its not right...he is your uncle, he is married, if this is known, you will tear your parents apart. Honey, would you ever want to see your daughter having an affair with your brother or brother in law??? The facts are that this man is disrespecting his wife and children by trying to be with you. If he really cared about you or his family, he would have fought his attraction to you by staying away. I suggest you keep distance from him, go have fun with your friends, focus on yourseld find a nice guy who has no wife, no kids, and no family ties to you. Your uncle can give you nothing but pain and suffering. Your "relationship" will never be accepted and will hurt all those you love most, and even if he wasn't your uncle, he's twice your age and he should know better than to try and ruin your youth and innocense with this. Please, don't pursue this. The fact that you asked for help here tells me you have your doubts and your instincts are telling you to turn away. Please, listen to your doubts. Best of luck
...............................
A
male
reader, ruskyline +, writes (7 September 2010):
 your uncle is a pervered, you should let his wife know ASAP. tell your parents as well, he needs to be way away from you because he is a dangerous person. and yes, i say dangerous because he has a kid at your age and he is attracted to you, have you ever thought if he had ever sexually abused his children when they were young?
your uncle has a sick mind and let me make it very clear to you, if a man does not care for his wife and for his children and he let them down, later on plz don't be suprize if he will let you down by cheating on you or dumping you.
if you are on your right mind, not a delusional person and capable of making decisions i would have you do this:
1. tell your parents about the situation ASAP
2. do not be afraid to expose this man and make sure that HIS WIFE KNOW ABOUT THIS
3. go to police station and get a restraining order!! and yes, it's that serious. protect yourself as much as you can
i wish you the best luck and hope whatever desicions you make now, you wont regret in 5,10,20 or in 30 years!!
...............................
|
